The World is a Prison
by irosnea55
Summary: It all started when Tom and Doug had a fight outside the chapel that morning until...
1. Chapter 1

**Hello Jumpstreeters :) I wrote the first chapter of this story over three years ago but never continued it until now. It'll be quite a long story so I'll be posting a lot of chapters.**

 **Story is set around season 2.**

 **Warnings apply: language, graphic content. Oh and Tommy torture.**

 **Enjoy!**

" _I'm telling you Hanson, the trip to London would be awesome!_

After picking up his best friend Doug Penhall in his blue 1968 mustang that morning to go to work, it was all he talked about; going to London together on vacation. Tom liked the idea at first because he felt like he needed a break. Work started to weigh him down over these past few months because the cases weren't what you call fun. He had just wrapped up a drug case a week ago which dragged on for over a month. There were too many setbacks and plenty of yelling from Fuller. He was left disillusioned and thought he was never going to get it done.

He liked the idea of a vacation but the thing was, he wanted a vacation _alone_.

Tom looked at his friend with a deadpan expression. "It's too far," he excused.

"I know, but it's another country where people actually speak English!"

"Why does that even matter?" He asked, irritably.

Doug formed a lop-sided smile on his face which only meant trouble. "British girls."

Tom rolled his eyes. "I knew it."

 _That_ was the reason why he wanted a vacation alone. Because even though he loved Doug as a brother, he can be really irresponsible sometimes. Like, how can he think he could pick up a British girl and take her to America? And besides, one of the main reasons why he felt he needed a vacation, was to clear his head. But knowing Doug he loved to drive him up the wall with his dumb comments and silly antics.

"Ok, let me lay it out on you. It's not London, I just don't want to be stuck with you for a whole week," he finally admitted off his chest.

Doug looked a bit hurt. He didn't intend to hurt his feelings in any way. But he tried not to feel guilty because he was only being honest.

"Oh thanks a lot Tom!" Doug spat, angrily. "I sometimes wonder why we're best friends!" he then whipped his body away from him and stomped up the steel steps. His feet _clanged_ heavily with every step up towards the chapel.

He was so taken aback from Doug's outburst, he was at lost what to say. Sure, they fought in the past before, but those words cut deep because he valued their friendship so much. If it weren't for Doug, he would have found it difficult fitting in at Jump Street. But Doug taught him that it's okay to act like a goof on the job instead of taking it seriously. He opened him up in many ways he never thought possible. But he got to admit, their friendship got rocky sometimes because their different personalities didn't always clash well - but it usually always recovered. It had to anyway because they were partners and they worked together.

But it never occurred to him that Doug would take those words to heart and he wished he could take it back.

Before he could apologize, he felt hands grip both of his arms and forcefully pull him back from behind. He stumbled over his feet. He really thought was going to fall until his weight fell against a body from behind him.

He let out a startled cry, only to be cut off immediately when a hand clamped over his mouth. It pressed on his face so hard, his jaw ached.

He froze in spot as his heart sped underneath his blue shirt.

 _What was going on?_

 _Is this a joke?_

 _Judy or Ioki trying to scare me for a laugh?_

His heart slowed down in a steady pace when the realization hit.

It wasn't the first time they snuck up from behind him, arm round his neck, hands over his eyes, in a playful way.

But he was soon proved wrong in the matter of seconds as he felt something sharp point against the back of his skull.

It felt like a gun.

His heart fired up and sped again, even faster than before.

He didn't think Judy or Ioki would never think of pointing a gun at his head for a was something different... This wasn't a game... He was in real danger!

In panic, he looked up at Doug and saw he was now half-way up the steps, completely unaware of what was happening down below. He was still talking. He sounded angry and was saying something, but he couldn't hear what.

 _Doug! Help!_ He was supposed to yell out, but it sounded muffled from underneath the hand and immediately, the gun behind his head pressed harder against him.

"Shut up!" a low growl masked in a whisper hissed in his ear.

He felt chills run and down his spine. It definitely wasn't a joke and definitely didn't sound like anyone he knew.

Adreneline rushed through his veins, telling him to do something. But what? There was a gun pointed at his head!

The only thing he could think of, was what he learned whilst at the police academy. They said the best way to handle situations like these, was by cooperating until help arrived. Because if he struggled, he would risk being shot.

But what help? Doug had already disappeared through the door and there was no one else in sight.

The man started to move and dragged him backwards. He stumbled over his feet with every unguided step

"Hurry up!" a second voice called from behind him. It was a male's voice and he didn't recognize it either.

The man moved his hand away from his mouth and before he could think of escaping, he was forcefully pushed into the back seat of a black car.

 **Chapter two will be on the way! Please drop in a review if you have the time. I'm quite nervous posting this and still learning to write.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Second chapter!**

 **Previously:** _The man moved his hand away from his mouth and before he could think of escaping, he was forcefully pushed into the back seat of a black car._

 _That's funny_ , he thought. _I don't remember a black car when I drew up in the parking lot_. The only cars he saw, was Judy's green convertible and two police cars. He never even heard the car draw in.

When he was pushed in the car, he come face to face with the man who told the other man to hurry up sitting in the back seat. The man was heavily built, with greying hair on the sides and wore cold, blue eyes. He grabbed him tightly by the arm then forced him to sit down beside him. He then grabbed the neck of his shirt and stuck his gun in his shoulder.

He tried to identify the other man who grabbed him first, and saw he was around the same build but looked younger and had several tattoos marking his skin. The ones that stood out the most, was a brown eagle on his arm and an image of barbed wire wrapped around the other.

"Who are you and what do you want?" Tom asked them angrily, without second thought.

"Shut up!" the man next to him yelled and shoved him harsly with the gun.

He winced from the pain as the gun jabbed in his arm. The pain was enough to thieve any futher words from escaping his throat. In the heavy silence, he could hear his own, heavy breathing which sounded raspy and fearful.

The first man got in the driver's seat and quickly turned on the ignition.

His dark brown eyes surveyed the handle of the car door beside him, wondering if he could he jump out. He imagined hitting the blue-eyed guy in the face, grabbing the handle, jump out of the car and escape their clutches. Then all he had to do was run up the steps to the chapel and he would be safe in a room full of police officers.

But it wasn't possible... he still had a gun pointed to his arm and the other guy had a gun on him as well.

The doors suddenly clicked as it locked itself automatically before he could seriously think about escaping. To add to his dismay, the engine roared and the car began to move.

His eyes darted in all directions, trying to find anything he could use. A phone, a weapon, clues, anything.

But the only thing he caught with his eyes, was a bundle of matted rope which was sat on the front seat. It made him think they had a plan. He thought they must have known he was a police officer because two police cars where there in the parking lot. But what they were going to do with him, he didn't know.

He had nothing on him to use either. He had no phone and he had no gun because it was in his desk drawer at the chapel. All he had, was his badge and a pair of handcuffs.

"Get down!" the man beside him hissed. The back of his neck was grabbed hold of was forcefully pushed down onto the seat. He didn't know what was happening but he guessed they were trying to keep him from being seen.

The man kept his head down, pressing his face against the seat. He held him down so firmly, he couldn't move; even an inch. It wasn't the best idea to move either because the gun was now stabbed in the middle of his back. He had no choice but to be forced to breathe in the material of the car seat which stank heavily of stale, cigarette smoke and car fumes.

As the car rolled on, he fought for breath and fresh air because the odour was so strong, it stuck in the back of the throat. It stunk and tasted so bad, he began to feel nauseous. He also felt nauseous by the whole mess he was in. He thought it was just going to be a normal day; taking phone calls and completing paperwork at Jump Street and bickering with Doug. But now he wondered if he would live to see the next.

During the journey, he counted in his head to try and keep calm, focused and take his mind off all those unanswered questions which disturbed him. He also counted to work out how long the journey and distance was.

His last count was three-hundred and fifty eight and it must have been a twenty minute journey until the car stopped to a halt.

He heard a click and gentle breeze stroked his hair.

He guessed the car door in front him was opened.

As soon as the man removed the weight that held his head down, he breathed in fresh air as soon as it became available. He was greedy for it, hungry for it in gasped breaths. When he was satisfied, he moved his head up and saw the first man was standing in front of him, pointing his gun with submission. Past him, he looked at the surroundings and saw white gravel cluttered on the ground and swaying trees in the distance.

He had no idea where he was.

"Get out of the car," the first man snarled.

The second man gave him one hard jab in the back with the gun to force him to complete the action.

Two guns trained on him in unison as he slowly got out of the car and on his feet. He quickly scanned his surroundings and saw nothing but tall trees and bushes circling around a red-brick warehouse with broken windows.

"You're going to be in a lot of trouble if you don't let me go," he finally spoke, in a commanding tone.

"Hey, shut up!" the first man yelled.

"Yeah, talk again, and we'll blow your brains out!" the second man threatened.

That shut him up for sure.

His trainers crunched upon the gravel as he was forced to walk towards the building. He was pushed through a large, metal door and was nudged inside.

As soon as he got in the building, the first thing he noticed, was how cold the temperature was. It felt much different compared to the warmth of spring season from the outside. There wasn't much light in there either. In the corners of the building, he saw nothing but tons of shabby cardboard boxes stacked up high.

 _BANG!_

The metal door slammed shut and the sound echoed with all its might through the empty space of the building. The sound was so loud, he nearly jumped out of his skin. But the next sound was far worse... the sound of the door being bolted shut.

His heart sank. It now become even harder to think about escaping. He felt angry at himself because he felt he should have fought them off - even taking the risk of catching a bullet. He thought taking the bullet was better because the sound of the gun going off would have alerted someone.

A man who he hadn't seen before, appeared through one of the doors and swiftly walked towards him. He was young and looked around twenty years old or less.

 _He's just a kid._ Tom thought in suprise.

He wore a leather jacket, a navy colored shirt and grubby jeans. He had blue eyes, a long sharp nose and... he definitely seen this man before. But where?

The man smiled at him. A knowing smile. He knew him too.

"Remember me?" he spoke smugly in satisfaction.

He tried rummaging through his brain for any kind of images that matched with his face. He tried to remember every kid he ever busted in the past two years whilst undercover. There must have been twenty-thirty faces and he never realized he busted that many.

Before he finished going through the images before his eyes, the man answered for him. "You busted me and I was sent to prison for two god-damn years."


	3. Chapter 3

**Warnings definitely apply to this chapter!**

 **Contains mild sexual content!**

 **Previously** : _Before he finished going through the images before his eyes, the man answered for him. "You busted me and I was sent to prison for two god-damn years."_

Then it suddenly clicked. He was busted for dealing drugs at some school called Hamilton high. An investigation was opened after a kid was found dead on the school's bathroom floor. He took crack cocaine.

It took almost a month until he found out who supplied them.

"James, right?"

He couldn't forget that name. He knew him quite well in the case back then. James even considered him a friend. So no wonder he absolutely raged when he flashed his badge in his face and said he was a cop.

Before another officer took him into the police car, James turned around and said, "When I'm free, I'm going to hunt you down and fucking kill you. You lying ass fucking pig."

Tom reacted by laughing in his face.

He may have laughed, but he still couldn't shake off chills.

James changed a bit since the last time he saw him. His teeth was stained yellow and his nose was sharper. One thing he still wondered about, was who the two other men were. He definitely didn't know them and they were too old to have been in high school with James. He didn't think they where possibly related to James either because there was no similar distinguishing features.

James crooked his mouth into a smile, revealing the yellow-stained teeth from underneath. "That's right," he replied. "Now that makes me happy, you know why? I remember you clear as day. The stupid punk who went by the name of Jack Harrison. You had everyone fooled, even me. You pretended to be my friend and fucked up my business," he spat. "You thought that now your job was done, you could forget the case and forget that I even existed. That I wouldn't even come back!"

"Okay, so you're back, congratulations." Tom snapped. "But you can save yourself from any more trouble by letting me go."

"I don't _care_ about being in any more trouble or going back to prison any more. All I _care_ about is getting my revenge!"

He struggled not to laugh because he sounded so childish.

James saw this and grew angrier. He took one look at the men and nodded which seemed to indicate something.

The first man moved from behind him and pressed the gun at the back of his head. "Walk," he ordered.

He was taken to another room which was small and had an unpleasant dim, yellow light.

James may be some stupid kid boasting about having revenge, but he was right. He thought he could just move onto the next case and think nothing like this could happen to him. Because it just wasn't supposed to. He thought he would always be safe because his personal identity was supposed to be protected whilst undercover. They may see his face and get to know his voice, but they were never allowed to know his name, address and other personal details.

But he was wrong. James somehow found out where he worked which confused him. It just wasn't supposed to happen. Jump Street was top secret. Only two police departments knew the address. Even passer-bys wouldn't know it was an undercover unit because on the outside, you just see an old abandoned chapel.

"I bet you are _aching_ know what I planned out," James said with a grin. "I will go through everything I had endured whilst in prison and lay it out on you."

Tom frowned because it sounded like a weird 'plan'. Endured? What could James had endured? Hard labor and crappy food? He was sure he could handle that, no problem.

James moved close in front of him. He was a few inches smaller but he still leveled with his eyes. He ran his finger down Tom's cheek which made him jerk away in surprise.

"Because you don't know what ugly things happen in prison do you? You never stop to think..."

There was a long silence. And in that long silence, James expected him to think about what he said, but all he did was look into his eyes and took note of every glint of insanity dance in the man's eyes. James never had those eyes before - even after he busted him.

"So let's begin this shall we?" James spoke again. "Take your clothes off."

He felt his mouth run dry. He didn't expect that at all and wondered if he heard him right. "What?" he stuttered.

"Take...your...clothes...off," James replied slowly for him to catch every word.

"I'm not going to do that!" he snapped.

The first man moved to his right and pointed the gun towards his face. "Do what he says, or you're finished!" he threatened.

"I'm not doing it!"

He didn't care if a gun was pointed at his head because he couldn't do something that was so degrading.

 **BANG!**

He flinched and gasped in suprise.

A shot was fired.

It took a few seconds to realise he wasn't hurt. But his right ear did because it rang madly from the result of the loud sound.

What the man did was pull the trigger and shot directly at the wall which was only a few inches from his head.

And that warning shot was enough to make him absolutely fucking terrified.

"If I do it..." He swallowed as a lump formed in his throat. "Will you let me go?"

James seemed to think about it then said, "yes, then we'll let you go."

He didn't know whether to believe him or not. But he had no choice but to take part in this sick game and wish it over.

He felt his self confidence being shattered as he thumbed with trembling hands at his shirt, and began unbuttoning it. His eyes prickled with unwanted tears. He tried to blink it back, hoping they hadn't noticed. Because he hated tears. It showed weakness and he never let them appear to anyone - ever.

Through gritted teeth, he slipped off his shirt. His top half was bare for all to see. The cold temperature prickled his skin which made him feel like shivering.

James wore a sick smile on his face, obviously enjoying seeing him suffer. "Now the trousers..." he said, mockingly.

He struggled as he tried to undo his belt because his hands started to tremble too much. At least it gave him time to have his clothes on a while longer.

"You better hurry..." James threatened.

After his belt fell to the ground, he slowly unzipped his trousers and kicked it off along with the trainers and socks which he was told to take off as well. All he had left was his boxers.

"Ok, done. Now let me go," he said, as firmly as he could.

James let out a dry laugh. "Not until you take the boxers off."

His breathing quickened, almost like a heave, almost like he could be sick any minute.

 _Just this to do, and I'll be let go...I will be free,_ he promised himself.

He closed his eyes, wishing to block everything out while sliding down his boxers. He wished he could turn back time, talking with Doug about their vacation, before he opened his mouth and insulted his best friend. He wished he was in the chapel with everyone he loved. He wished he did one boring task after another because it sure as hell wasn't as bad as this.

 **author's note: You have been warned ;)**


	4. Chapter 4

**urm, okay.**

 **Warnings apply to this chapter for high sexual content and language which I sincerely apologize for. You don't have to read it if you don't want to :) - and it's short at least.**

 **Previously** _: He closed his eyes, wishing to block everything out while sliding down his boxers. He wished he could turn back time, talking with Doug about their vacation, before he opened his mouth and insulted his best friend. He wished he was in the chapel with everyone he loved. He wished he did one boring task after another because it sure as hell wasn't as bad as this._

He heard a clap.

"Well done. I knew you would cooperate!" James said.

He didn't open his eyes until he felt someone push up against him.

James.

He was right up to his face and pressed against his naked body.

"Man, you are a beautiful thing" James teased. "If you were in prison, every jailbird in there would _fuck_ you."

His lip quivered. "Shut up," he tried to snap but it sounded more like an angry whisper.

He hated being called pretty. He knew he was more attractive than the average guy. He had chiselled cheekbones, smooth skin, chocolate brown eyes and full lips. But he didn't care for his looks. In fact, he saw it as a convenience because he would have been a 'real' cop if it wasn't for his baby face.

"You don't like being called pretty do you?" James laughed then ran his fingers down his face again. "You have a face that no one can forget."

He felt so ashamed of himself, ashamed he allowed to be goaded like that. If he had the opportunity, he would punch the guy's lights out.

"Fuck you!" he snapped.

Without warning, James grabbed hold of his neck and pressed hard enough to make him want to choke.

"Watch what you say to me," James said coldly.

As soon as he let go of his neck, Tom breathed out a sigh of relief.

"Now, we'll go onto number two, the showers."

"Wait a minute, you said that you would let me go!" He cried angrily.

"I lied." James grinned.

Angry and already exhausted from the mental torture, he was taken through yet another room.

The room happened to be a bathroom. It had tiled walls and floors and two old, rusty looking showers.

The first man walked towards one of the showers and and turned it on. The water sprayed loudly and splashed a bit on the man's boots.

Suddenly, he was pushed into the shower which made him yelp in surprise. He could have slipped over the wet floor but managed to support himself by supporting himself against the wall.

Not only being pushed in the shower caught him by surprise, but the temperature of the water did too. It slammed down onto his body, instantly sending a turmoil of uncontrollable shudders. He wrapped his arms around himself in attempt to ward off the cold.

"L-Let m-me out" he gasped.

The men just laughed.

He tried to get out but one of the men pushed him back in.

He breathed in strangled breaths as his whole body started to ache and shudder from the cold water. It felt as though his bones were turning into icicles and he was sure his skin had turned blue.

"That's enough, me thinks," James announced spontaneously.

Just when he thought it could be the end of this hell, James stepped into the shower with him and then forcefully whipped him round and slammed his face against the wall. He let out a choked cry as his cheekbone ached from the impact.

"You must be cold." James joked. "Here, let me warm you up."

It took time to process what the man said because he become too dizzy from being slammed against the wall. He last remembered seeing stars forming in front of his eyes before closing his eyes. When he opened them again, he had a strange feeling that a chunk in time was lost. Whether he must have blacked out or not, he didn't know. But he was soon brought back to reality when he felt hands run over his body. The unwanted touches invading his personal space made him want to throw up.

I hope you'll like it... it's number three." the man whispered in his ear.

He finally had it. He couldn't stand the touches and the hot breath that was hitting against his ear "Fuck you, fuck you!" he snapped whilst trying to push him away. He wasn't able to turn around and push him so he nudged him hard with his back.

James didn't react and didn't move an inch either. "No, fuck you," he laughed.

Suddenly James moved away and the first man stood in his place. At least he thought it was the first man because all he could see was the tiled wall which he was pushed up against.

Without warning, he felt a red hot, sheering pain enter his backside. He cried out so loud, his throat turned raw.

 _It can't be happening, this can't be happening,_ his heart and breath raced in fear.

He felt like he was going to vomit as the man's body slammed in and out of him. He screamed and screamed from terror and the pain felt so bad, he thought he was going to die.

He didn't know how long he screamed for, or how long the man did it for, but soon everything faded away into darkness. He could feel himself slipping away from the world.

It felt peaceful.

Almost like dying.

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He slowly opened his eyes and found himself envaloped in darkness.

 _Am I dead?_

 _Or am I lost in a dream?_

One thing for certain, there was no men laughing at him and killing him inside anymore.

He hoped the whole thing was a dream. Just maybe, just maybe the whole kidnapping was a dream and he was was actually in his bed, safe inside his apartment and it was only just a nightmare?

He waited a bit, until he regained more consciousness, until he made sense of reality.

His throat felt sore.

And he felt rather cold.

 _Oh my god._

 _It hurts so bad._

 _I was raped._

He let out a cry in a mixture of anger and pain which echoed through the darkness.

He sobbed for a while, tears streaming down his face, his body racking from the shakes against the floor.

 _How could this happen to me?!_ he cried.

After he calmed down a bit, he discovered his clothes were now returned and clothed upon on his body, but he still felt cold.

He tried to get up but discovered one of his hands were cuffed with his own handcuffs and was bound against a pipe. He tried to break free with all his might by pulling against it. It hurt, but he didn't care. He hurt too much from the inside anyway to feel anything.

He fought and fought as the cuffs clanged loudly against the pipe, until he was left exhausted and crying from defeat.

There was no dignity or strength left. They had won, they got what they wanted.

He felt as though his soul drifted out of his body as stared into nothingness.

 **Authors note: At least the hardest part is over. Now you can settle and read without anymore warnings. But ... I can't promise that really ;)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you guys for one favorite and two follows. Very much appreciated! 3**

 **Previously** _ **:**_ _There was no dignity or strength left. They had won, they got what they wanted. He felt as though his soul drifted out of his body as stared into nothingness._

The darkness become light when he awoken.

The room he was now in was small; and the walls that closed him in, were a dull, grey color with little cracks on the walls. The cracks were quite deep and the image reminded him of lightning strikes. There was one, heavy metal door in the room and one window high above his head. The window was one of the few that wasn't smashed and was also far too small to climb out of.

After a few minutes of adjusting to the details, he noticed his hand was still cuffed to the pipe. Nasty looking bruises and cuts decorated his wrist from trying to break free that night. It made him feel sad seeing the mess of blues, purples and dried blood because it showed how desperate he wanted to break free.

It wasn't the only thing that hurt him physically either. The attack that night, left him with a burning sensation and it stung every time he tried to move. He also noticed it was wet... from bleeding.

Suddenly, the metal door swung open which startled him. James appeared into the room and wore a sickening smirk upon his face whilst he held bowl of water in one hand and a slice of brown bread in the other.

He dropped them down before his feet which made him feel they were treating him like a dog instead of a respected police officer. He knew they were trying to ebb away his dignity and they were doing a good job of it so far.

He turned his head away and refused to look at it. He felt too sick to eat or drink and besides, it was the only thing he could say _no_ to.

James cocked it head to the side. "Not hungry, butt-cheeks? You better eat because it's going to be a long day..."

James was true to his words. It was _too_ long.

The next part of his sick plan involved hard labor, which was what he endured while in prison - he claimed.

He forced him to get down and wash the floor, shine his shoes and even call him sir whilst the two men trained their guns on him the whole time.

He had so many mundane tasks that day, it used up all his energy. He couldn't even have the energy to remember his own self any more. Sure, he knew his name, but couldn't identify with it. Tom Hanson was cool, Tom was defiant, Tom never took shit off anyone.

That guy was so far away... He imagined he would be propped up on the couch watching the A-Team on TV whilst eating microwaved mac and cheese instead of this. Mac and cheese. His stomach rumbled at the thought.

Before he could change his mind, he picked up the piece of bread that was given to him that morning and had a bite from it. It was dry and stale but he managed to force it down by downing down the bowl of water.

But it wasn't enough. He still felt hungry.

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It was day three

 _Three days._

 _Three days and no one had found me yet._

 _Jump Street, police departments and detectives were supposed to be smart and find me by now. They always did in the past. Whenever I was in trouble, police officers and back-up would appear within minutes - not three days._

 _And surely I was reported missing by now._

 _Ever since the day Doug turned around and saw I was no longer there._

 _What must he had thought?_

 _His last words to him... what were they?_

" _Oh thanks a lot Tom!" Doug's voice rang loudly in his ears. "I sometimes wonder why we're best friends!"_

He winced at the vocal memory. _The last thing I did was piss my best friend off._

 _Maybe Doug felt too mad to even care that I'm now missing. Maybe he could even have even been thankful._

 _And maybe he wasn't the only one. Maybe my co-workers, Judy and Harry didn't care either. I had been nothing but short-tempered and snappy with them lately. I didn't mean to, I just needed a break._

 _They'll forget me. They'll be happy to forget me._

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He woke up with a gasp of pain from being kicked in the chest.

He opened his eyes and saw James towering over him wearing a his familiar sick grin on his face.

"I've lost count on what number we're on, but I do know what's next," James said. He moved his face so close to his, he could smell his hot, unpleasant breath which smelled of coffee and cigarettes.

"Also in prison, a lot of fights go around. If you're their best target, you couldn't go through a day without getting beaten up."

He let out a groan and closed his eyes. He thought it would have been easier if they just let him die.

James un-cuffed him and then gripped both of his wrists and dragged across the floor. Because he was so weak, he moved easily as though he had a body of a rag doll. He had no energy left because he lacked food and water. His muscles also ached from all the tasks he endured in the past days. And emotionally, he just gave up.

The second man picked him up by gripping both of his arms then suddenly threw him back onto the floor. Pain radiated up to his skull as his jaw bashed against the ground from the impact. Before long, they had no time to waste as they kicked him over and over; kicking his ribs, kicking his back... pretty much everywhere. The pain was so agonizing, he began to sob and curl up, wrapping his arms around himself, knees drawn up to his chest.

After what seemed like forever, they stopped and left him in peace.

They must have done a good job because every part of his body hurt. His eye closed up, he could taste blood on his lips, and his body felt like it was on fire, especially his ribs. He didn't think he could take much more.

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Days developing into weeks flew by.

It was all fuzzy. As though he was on the train looking out of the window and watching the world outside breezing past. So fast, it was hard to see and remember all the details.

He endured more cold showers, given nothing but bread and water, raped three more times, and got beaten up daily. Beaten up daily, but lightly because they didn't want to risk killing him, they said. They wanted him to live through the pain so he could never forget it.

He laid awake one night, arms free.

The men decided he didn't need to be cuffed any more because they realized he had no strength left to fight back.

He couldn't escape either because the door of the room he was kept captive in, was always locked. He knew that because he checked more than once.

They still used their guns to threaten him but only sometimes because he complied with them and did everything they said; almost like a routine.

He also finally accepted that no-one was coming for him.

Because it's been too long now.

If he had missing person posters, it would have faded.

If he could have been on TV, he was now just an old news story.

His heart used to flutter by the thought of being rescued.

But now it panged with fear and anxiety by the thought that he would be held captive for years and years and would never see the outside world again.

That small window in his room reminded him of the outside world.

He saw the trees and the bushes and thought how badly he wanted to touch and smell them.

He saw birds fly past and circle below the clouds. How he wished he open his wings and fly as freely as they could.

He saw the sky present day and night; rain and shine. How he wished to feel the warmth of the sun again to comfort and soothe him.

He saw the moon and the twinkling stars.

And thought how much he was able to relate to their loneliness.

Other than the images from out the window, he thought about what his mom, Doug, and his other loved ones were doing right now.

What they were thinking.

Whether they were thinking about him at the same time he was thinking about them.

Whether they thought about him as much as he thought about them.

He also missed the material things in life: a warm shower, a comfy bed, TV, burger and fries and... pretty much everything he used to be able to access to without a problem.

How he wished he appreciated all those small things back then.

How he wished he valued his friends and family more than he valued himself.

Until it was too late.


	6. Chapter 6

**P** **reviously:** _How he wished he valued his friends and family more than he valued himself. Until it was too late._

Something was changing...The men started to bother him less and less.

Maybe because it had been so long since they first kept him captive. It could have been a month or more. Long enough for them to lose interest in their game.

Maybe it was because he rarely cried out any more. Maybe he gotten too boring for them. Maybe because they got what they wanted; which was his dignity.

He should've felt relieved but instead he never felt so more alone. It was too quiet when the men weren't there. So quiet, he began talking to himself to lift the silence.

It came to the point where he slowly progressed by using images that spoke. He created Doug, then created Judy and was in the process of creating Harry and Fuller. They would tell him what they did during the day and tell him he was going to be okay, that he would see the outside world very soon. He hated it when they lied but he still couldn't help but feel a little glimmer of hope.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The men did something different this time. With no words uttered between them, they picked him up and dragged him out of the small room and through to the biggest room. He remembered that room. It was the one with the shabby cardboard boxes stacked up high. He hadn't seen the room since the day he was captured. He was taken through the metal door and finally saw the outside world. But it wasn't quite beautiful as he expected because it was so bright, it hurt his eyes.

They led him into the familiar black car and instead of pushing his face down on the car seat like before, they let him sit upright like any other regular passenger.

While the car moved, he wondered whether they were going to let him go or kill him. But either way, it didn't matter because he learned not to care too much.

Eventually he saw the first signs of people doing normal everyday . Laughing. Children crying.

They drove on and on until they took a sharp turn down an empty lane. The car stopped into a halt and they yanked him out and dropped him on the ground like he was a piece of trash.

He looked up at James and saw spite in his eyes.

"Do not tell anybody what happened to you or who we are, otherwise we'll come back to you and kill you... I promise you that." he threatened.

He blinked his eyes in surprise when he come to realize they were letting him go.

"I hope you'll remember everything that I taught you. Every day and forever until the day you die."

He then walked away, and left him for good.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He groaned as a blinding white light entered his eyes again. He was getting sick of the light.

After he took some time for his eyes to adjust, he assessed his surroundings.

He was in a room with white walls, white curtains and white bed covers.

 _Is this a dream?_ he wondered.

 _It was all too bright. Like a dream._

He was in a room with white walls, white curtains and white bed covers. _Hospital_ rang his ears.

He looked down at himself and saw he wore a white hospital gown which was patterned with blue dots. He no longer wore his grubby clothes which was stained with blood anymore

He also noticed there was an IV in his arm then ran his hand up to his face to find there were tubes going up to his nose as well.

Next to him, was a machine that occasionally beeped. What it was for, he didn't know because he had never been admitted to a hospital before.

He felt confused, wondering how he got there without any memory what so ever. He couldn't remember closing his eyes and dropping off to sleep after James walked away. But since he felt tired, maybe he did.

The door suddenly swung open and he saw a pretty young nurse rush into the room to check on him.

"Are you ok, mister?" she asked gently.

He was too startled to reply. And instead, he studied her soft, brown eyes and sandy blond hair which was tied back in a small bun.

"Sir?"

He shrugged in reply.

"Okay. Well, you're safe now and you're lucky to be alive," she said. "I'll go and alert the doctor and he'll see to you and explain a few things." She then left his side and vanished so fast, he wondered if she was just an apparition.

But true to her word, a doctor strided into the room a few minutes later holding a file by his side. He was middle-aged and wore gold rimmed glasses. "You're lucky to be alive, son."

He just stared at him, not knowing what to say.

"Would you like to know about your health and care?" the doctor asked.

He nodded.

The doctor looked through a file which had his name on and flipped through two pages of information. "Let's see...We had to use an NB tube due to poor nutrition as you've lost a sustainable loss of weight... and for your emotional care, we are going to refer you to one of our best psychiatrists."

Although he struggled to grasp all of the information, he was relieved that the doctor didn't mention any evidence of rape. He didn't expect they would because the men raped him over a month ago. No one was going to find out the truth and he planned to keep it that way.

"You've been missing for about two months and a half," the doctor said. "It was quite a media frenzy and even more so now that you've been found." He paused and seemed to wait for him to say something. "You were found near the city, so it wasn't long before people found you," he added.

"Doctor! We have a problem with Mr Klien, room 288!" a nurse called.

The doctor nodded at her. "Okay, I hope you don't mind but I better see to another patient. I'll be back in a jiffy when you need me."

He sighed and laid his head back against the pillows. He waited to feel something, anything. But all he could feel was emptiness. He couldn't even find a single word to say.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The next day, sometime around afternoon, the pretty nurse told him he had a visitor.

His first visitor.

All he saw was some doctors and and nurses popping in now and again. So he was thankful to see someone new for a change.

But he couldn't shake off the uneasy feeling of _who_ it could be.

Was it James?

Or the two other men; Damien and Stephen?

Thankfully, the nurse told him the name of the visitor before he could even think of panicking.

 _Doug_.

Before it could register that his best friend was going to visit him after what it felt like years, he ran into the room. He raced so fast, he only recognized who he was after after he grabbed him into a hug.

"You're alive!" he cried.

He shrugged himself out of the hug and wriggled away from him. It felt too weird because for some time, Doug was only a fragment of his imagination. But now he could feel him.

His friend looked at him with a perplexed expression. "You remember me don't you? I'm your best friend!"

He nodded. Of course he did.

That wasn't enough for Doug. He just stared at him in disbelief. "I missed you so goddamn much Tom and I thought you were dead! It's been nearly three months of hell searching for you!"

Tom eyed Doug carefully and found he still looked the same. Floppy brown hair, soft puppy brown eyes, and slanted eyebrows which was now creased with concern. He still couldn't believe he was really there, no matter how long it took to register.

Doug sat himself on the bed and let his eyes wander over his face.

"Tom I'm... I'm really sorry what happened to you. The last time I spoke to you, I said some really shitty things. And when I turned round, you were gone. I thought you were upset with me and walked off. But you never came back."

 _Said some really shitty things? So that's what Doug was muttering about up there whilst my mind screamed for help,_ he thought

"What really happened to you Tom?"

He couldn't say anything because he was warned by James not to. And besides, it hurt to talk about it.

To his surprise, Doug become angry. He took in a sharp breath and his eyebrows knitted together. He grabbed hold of his shoulders and shook him. "Say something!"

He shook him again and again till he finally snapped:

"Quit it!" he finally spoke.

Doug let him go and looked relieved somehow.

"I just - feel confused okay?"

"I understand..." Doug replied quietly. "From what the doctors told me, you must have went through hell. And... I want to know who did it."

"I can't tell."

"Why?"

"I don't want to and they threatened to kill me if I ever told," he replied. He changed his voice to a whisper so that he was sure the men wouldn't be able to hear him even if they were hundreds of miles away. "I was taken hostage because I put one of the guys away in prison and he wanted to get back at me." He whispered so quietly, Doug had to lean closer to hear him. "He warned me not to tell anyone what they did."

"Can you at least tell me their names?"

"I told you, I can't tell you."

Doug sighed. "Ok, when and where did they kidnap you?"

"Soon after you got pissed with me, outside the chapel."

"You mean... They kidnapped you right behind my back and I didn't know?!" Doug cried, looking horrified as well as guilty.

"They were quiet and the guy's hand was clamped over my mouth so I wasn't loud enough to call you," he explained.

"Oh god." Doug uttered. "I can see why you don't want to tell. I don't know how the hell they found out where you work. But I'll tell Fuller and try and convince him to re-collate. I'm certain he will because of what happened to you."

He still wasn't convinced.

"And I won't let those guys touch you again. I will never turn my back on you again either," he promised. "And you're gonna be okay, Tom. You will get through it, okay?"

 **authors note: I'm not any good at writing about hospitals or know what they would do in the situation and their treatments. But it's all fantasy, so it doesn't matter too much.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Believe it or not, the writing in this chapter is what I wrote this year. The previous chapters was what I wrote three years ago - but was heavily edited. I just wanted to continue the story and give it an ending.**

 _ **Previously:**_ _"And I won't let those guys touch you again. I will never turn my back on you again either," he promised. "And you're gonna be okay, Tom. You will get through it, okay?"_

" _How are you coping, Tom?"_

He just sat and stared at the psychiatrist. A psychiatrist who he had been referred to by the hospital. He had no choice but to see one whilst he was still under the hospital's care.

He hoped by being silent, he could avoid the stupid questions.

It did work when he saw him yesterday.

The psychiatrist, named Dr. Adams stared back, longer and harder than he could ever muster. The guy could have been a trained hypnotist if he wanted to.

He flicked away his eyes from him and let his eyes wander around the room instead. The room was small and was used as a temporary office so it didn't look like it belonged to a psychiatrist. The walls were bare and painted in a creme color. And all they had was two plastic chairs to sit on which felt too hard and uncomfortable.

 _How am I coping?_ He asked himself. _Not great._

He would have coped better if everything around him wasn't so crazy.

It had only been a week and people kept coming in and out of his room trying to coax him to talk about what happened. Doctors, nurses, detectives, police officers, Doug, Fuller, Judy and his mom pestered him with the same questions over and over.

 _What did they do to you? What are the names of the men that did this?_

He tried his best to put his guard up and not say anything but it left him feeling exhausted.

And now this. A psychiatrist.

The world outside was crazy too because while he had been gone, he was told the media got ugly really fast. He was told Fuller spent most of his time furiously trying to stop the media from using and leaking his photos and personal details. Until, eventually, it had been so long, Fuller eventually gave up and let them use his photos. Just as long as they didn't touch his personal details. Now that he had been found, the media fired up again which didn't help matters because he was afraid James and his men would easily see the media if they printed anything he said.

And they would hunt him down and kill him for sure.

Besides, he didn't want to tell anyone what happened. There was things that he felt too embarrassed and ashamed to talk about. He couldn't imagine standing up in court and telling them what happened and have everyone in the room judge him. For those reasons, he thought it would be easier for it to just go away.

Apart from that, he didn't think prison would teach them a lesson anyway. It didn't work for James the first time because was just got out angry and thirsty for blood.

"It's been too hectic," he finally replied.

Mr. Adams formed a wide, satisfied smile, as though he had just been awarded for the world's best psychiatrist.

"Why hectic?"

Tom looked at the man as though he was stupid. He knew full well how hectic it had been.

"I can't seem to get even a minute alone or a moments peace anymore," he replied angrily. He looked at Dr. Adams up and down to show he was talking about him as well.

It was without a thought, he had said this, and it suprised him. Alone. Did he really want to be alone again after all the loneliness he had suffered through? He didn't know. But he did know that he just wanted everything to by normal.

Adams nodded slowly then squinted his eyes so that they were small, almost like a mouse. He didn't know whether he was trying to look sympathetic or not but either way he noticed he often made the most ridiculous facial expressions.

"If you had the opportunity to go home today, would you?"

Tom looked at him carefully, wondering if it was a trick question.

"Your doctor and I had a discussion yesterday," Adams explained. "It's been over a week and you seem to be in good health and doing well so we discussed whether it would be a good idea for you to go home."

Tom lifted a smile in the corner. "Really?"

"But it's entirely up to you. We can't make you leave the hospital if you don't want to."

"I _do_ want to leave."

Adams formed that satisified smile again. "That was very brave of you to say Tom. Wanting to leave the hospital is a huge step."

"So I can leave today right?" he asked, hopefully.

"Yes, but we've decided we cannot allow you to be alone and you cannot return to your apartment either," Adams said. "It may be unsafe as we still hadn't found those guys who hurt you. What your friend Doug suggested, is that you could stay at his apartment for a while."

Tom couldn't hide his disappointment. He wanted to be _alone_. He loved Doug like a brother but he had mothering him way too much these past days which drove him crazy. He kept asking if he was okay, doing everything for him and even gave him a bunch of flowers!

"So, is that okay with you, Tom?"

He deflated his lungs to release a huge sigh. It would have to do because he had nowhere else to go except for his mom's. But it wouldn't work out because he had a conflicting relationship with her. Ever since his dad died when he was sixteen, he tried to block her out of his life. If he could state any reason why, it was because he was afraid he was going to lose her too. He thought it would have been easier to push away another important figure in his life to stop himself from getting hurt again.

He knew it was stupid but it seemed like a good idea back then.

He almost tried to push away Doug in the beginning of their friendship, same as anybody else who tried to attach themselves to him. But he grew up and understood it just wasn't the right thing to do.

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

True to Dr. Adam's words, he was allowed to leave the hospital the following day.

All he left the hospital with was brand new clothes on his body; a pair of jeans and a navy blue t-shirt which his mom got him. She tried hard to enter his life again and make the relationship work. But it only just annoyed him.

Same with Doug, who annoyed him too. In the first five or ten minutes of finding their way out of the hospital and into the parking lot, Doug must have spoke a thousand words per minute. Tom barely listened to him whilst he babbled about how much fun they were going to have.

Fun? There wasn't anything fun about staying over at Doug's. He spent nights at his apartment a few times before and was each time left horrified by how slobby Doug was. His place was usually a mess, with clothes spawled out everywhere, with litter, and god knows what else. He also couldn't help but grow tired of Doug very quickly because he just talked too much.

He followed him as he walked over to his yellow truck. Before he thought about getting in, he turned round and had a good look at him, from his toes and up to his face.

"What?" he uttered self-consciously.

"You are still really skinny," Doug commented.

Tom scowled at him. He was sick of people commenting on his weight. It wasn't his fault he was only fed bread and water when he was taken hostage. His cheekbones were now sharper and he could almost feel every bone in his body. He didn't like it either so he ate all the food the hospital gave him. He gained some but still hadn't returned to his normal weight.

"Don't get all offended!" Doug cried. "I'm just telling you it would be a good idea if we could go to Rocket Dogs because they sure as hell got more calories than the food the hospital gave you."

So here they were - at Rocket Dogs.

It was a small cafe placed outside the city which sold junk food. They used to go there a lot for their lunch break despite it's reputation for having food poisoning.

Back then when all he was given was bread, he missed the place a lot and dreamed of having a greasy burger and fries from there again.

But when Doug started ordering, he began to get paranoid. _What if they were here, watching me?_ he thought.He scanned a few faces in the room. None of them looked in his direction because were fully occupied eating their meals. He relaxed a bit then followed Doug as he carried a tray with their meals on and sat down at a table in the corner. After he shoved down the food, he realised it just wasn't the same. The grease tasted unpleasant. It felt so thick, he could still feel it sitting at the bottom of his stomach. And the fries were so salty, it made his mouth feel dry.

He grabbed for Doug's coke because he already finished his own and drunk it down to wash it away.

"Hey, that's mine!"

Tom ignored him and carried on slurping. "I never realised how disgusting Rocket Dogs is," he said after returning Doug's drink which was now half-full.

"I know you love it really," he replied in amusement. Doug certainly loved the place because he happily scoffed down his last chip.

"I think it just gave me food poisoning," he said dismissively

"It wouldn't kill you to thank me for taking you out and paying for your food you know!" Doug whined.

"Alright, alright," he chuckled.

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Three months ago.

Doug.

 _"Ok, let me lay it out on you. It's not London, I just don't want to be stuck with you for a whole week!" Tom snapped at him._

 _Doug felt as though Tom had just slapped him in the face. What his friend said was cruel and uncalled for!_

" _Oh thanks a lot Tom!" he snapped back at him. "I sometimes wonder why we're best friends!"_

 _He turned away from him as fast as he could because he was sure that any moment longer, he probably would have pushed him - or worse._

 _He was known to have a temper, especially when the wrong buttons are pressed. Sometimes he couldn't restrain himself from getting physical and would hurl punches._

 _Tom was just lucky._

 _While he walked up the steps, he continued to insult him. "No one likes you either," he told him. "Because you are just a major asshole who don't give two fucks about anyone who cares about you. And I don't give two fucks about you either!"_

 _He turned around to check how Tom was reacting to his words which he hoped hurt him._

 _But all he saw, was an empty staircase. Frowning, he held on the rails of the staircase before him and leaned over to glance down below._

 _Nothing. All he saw was Tom's 1968 blue mustang still sitting in the parking lot._

Weird, h _e thought._

 _It was as though Tom had vanished in thin air._

Maybe Tom must have stormed off whilst in a bad mood, _he thought._

 _That made him smile._

 _He gave up trying to look for him and went into the chapel. It was busy as usual. People were bustling about and the phones kept ringing and ringing._

 _"Line two!" a voice called out._

 _"Hey Doug, can you answer line two?" Harry asked, with the phone to his ear._

 _He spent the first hour answering one phone call after another. The mornings were usually the worst when it came to phone calls and it didn't die down till later in the morning._

 _While he answered the calls, he occasionally glanced over at Tom's desk which was still empty. The phone on his desk kept ringing and ringing, demanding for him to pick up._

 _Demanding to know where he was._

 _"It would have been a bit easier today if Tom was here to answer the phone," Harry whined._

 _"Yeah, where is he?" Judy asked._

 _They both looked at him now, waiting for an answer._

 _"Me and Tom got in a big fight this morning and he stormed off."_

 _Judy shook her head and tutted. "Try and be responsible Doug. Find him and make up, ok?"_

 _"Be responsible? He was the one who started it. And he is the irresponsible one because he should've got his ass back to work by now!" he argued._

 _"Just - get him before Fuller notices," Judy said firmly._

 _"Fine."_

 _The first thing he did, was call him. But after he punched in his number, the call went straight to voicemail._

"Hi, this Tom Hanson, please record your message after the beep."

 _"This is Doug who is still mad at you... Ok, just a little mad at you. I'm just phoning to say get your ass back into work before Fuller whoops it. Bye." he said down the phone._

 _"What did he say?" Harry asked._

 _Doug shrugged his shoulders. "I just spoke through to voicemail."_

 _"Oh," said Harry. "Why did you guys fight anyhow?"_

 _"He told me he wouldn't want to be stuck with me for a whole week on vacation."_

 _Judy laughed. "I don't blame him."_

 _"Jude!" Doug cried defensively. "I'm not that bad."_

 _Judy laughed again before she had to take another phone call._

 _Now that they talked about it, it suddenly occured to him that it was just another one of those stupid fights he and Tom tends to have. Judy didn't seem to mind what Tom said which made he realize that maybe he went too far with his words. Whether it could've really upset Tom, he didn't know. He never expected his words to cut him deep enough to run off and skip work._

 _He left his desk to wander outside to check if Tom's car was still there._

 _It was. Now that really made him worry because Tom wouldn't go home without his car. He edged over to the car and peeked through the window to see empty seats._ Why would he leave his car? The chapel was on the outskirts of the city, where would he go?

 _The Mustang was the only proof that Tom was with him that morning._

 _Captain Fuller eventually found out Tom was missing later that day and demanded an explanation. He felt like crap when he had to explain to Fuller what happened. While he felt like crap, he also felt a sinking feeling that grew from inside of him. A sinking feeling that told him something had happened to his friend. Something bad._

 _He trusted his own intuitions because he was almost always right. It happened a few times before where he had a feeling Tom was in danger when he actually was._


	8. Chapter 8

_**Tom.**_

The first thing he did when arrived at Doug's apartment, was take a shower. He wanted one because he had the need to wash away the horrible grease from Rocket Dog's - even if he could only feel it from the inside.

He slid off his navy shirt and jeans, socks and shoes and stood in the centre of the bathroom to inspect his body for any trace of bruises the men inflicted upon him.

But there were none.

During that time in the hospital, it had all faded away to nothing. It was as though the hell he went through, never happened.

He stepped into the shower and turned it on. He let the water sprinkle onto his hand to make sure the temperature was cold enough. When he was satisfied he let the water spray over him, aching his whole body.

He thought back when James would laugh at him, mock him and tell him that he was nothing but a narc and a pig cop; push him, spit at him while he was forced to take a cold shower each day.

Even though the memories angered him, he couldn't help but believe everything that James did to him was deserved. It was a lesson. It was the truth. His job sucked. He was a narc and a pig cop. He lied and pretended to be someone else. He busted young kids and threw them into jail. Young kids... young kids who struggled to understand right from wrong. Jail wasn't the answer because it only made them worse.

Once he finished showering, he dressed back into his clothes without towelling dry, leaving his hair dripping wet.

He made his way to the living room and saw that it was a bit if a tip which didn't surprise him. Doug was sitting lazily on the couch with his feet propped up on the coffee table. To his disgust, he saw his socks looked filthy and his toe was peeking through the worn material. He diverted his eyes away from the replusive image and noticed that he was watching some comedy film on TV.

"Hey, sit with me. This will cheer you up," Doug said, without tearing his steady gaze away from the screen.

He hesitated for a second then thought, hell why not, he already had alone time when he took the shower. He settled on the couch and tried to concentrate on the slapstick images but got bored quickly and let eyes wander off and look around the room instead. Besides the place being a tip, there was still some cool stuff; a pinball machine, a huge green inflatable dinosaur and a mini fridge stocked with beer. There was also a framed photo on the wall which caught his eye. It was the whole Jump Street team with their arms around each other and grinning at the camera during one of their night outs. They looked so happy. So carefree...

He flinched in surprise when he felt a hand touch his arm.

"Fuck, man you're cold and you're shivering!"

He gave Doug a look, a look to show he didn't care.

"Yeah?"

"Don't yeah me! Didn't you use the temperature setting when you used the shower?"

"I just wanted a cold shower, that's all."

That didn't seem to impress Doug one bit. "Who does that?!"

"I just got used to it... you know?"

Doug froze for a few seconds. "Is that what they did to you?"

"I didn't say that..."

Doug angrily pushed himself off the couch. "I don't believe you..." He was about to say something else before pausing to pick up some old blanket which was strewn on the floor. He tossed it over to him much to his displeasure. "Warm yourself up."

He shoved the blanket aside and shot Doug a glare. "I don't want it."

"It's not something I'm asking you to do, it's something I'm telling you to do," he said. "You are in bad shape and you could easily catch a cold!"

"I'm fine."

"God Hanson, I'm not some babysitter, I'm a friend who's _telling_ you!"

He let out a groan then pushed the blanket off the couch. "You're giving me a headache!" To prove it he wasn't kidding, he switched himself round to lay down then rested his arm over his forehead.

"Then I'm done!" Doug yelled back.

He smirked to himself. He knew the headache idea would work even if it was a little true. And Doug didn't say anything else to him for the rest of the night.

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

He opened his eyes to find himself surrounded in darkness.

 _It was cold... so cold._

His breath caught in his throat when he realized he was back in 'that' room again.

 _It can't be... I escaped didn't I?_

He doubled over as nausea kicked him in the stomach.

 _It can't be, it can't be, I escaped!_

Alone... he was alone once again and unable to escape.

 _No one is coming for me._

He cried in bitter tears then pulled his arms around him and rocked himself back and forth.

 _No...no... no..._

Suddenly, the darkness switched and become a blinding white light. He cowered away, nesting his head tightly in his arms.

"Tom?" Doug's voice spoke. "Tom, man?"

He felt hands scramble at him and fight to pull his arms away from his face. He lifted his head and saw Doug's face twisted with concern.

"What are you doing? Why were you sitting in the dark talking to yourself?"

Why? He really thought he was back in _that_ room and all alone. But in fact, he was still in Doug's apartment and it was still the first night.

He didn't know what to believe any more.

"Okay..." Doug said. gently. "You are okay, nothing bad happened. You're safe, now."

He withdrew his gaze away from him and retreated back to the couch. He couldn't look at him because he felt too embarrassed.

"Want me to turn off the light?" Doug's voice sounded quiet and unsure.

With not another word, he shut off the light and left him in the darkness once again.

It wasn't the first time he had nightmares about being there, and they were different every time. Whilst he was in the hospital, he had ones so violent, he woke up with a tortured cry. Everytime it happened, he would go right back to sleep. He didn't tell anyone because he thought they would think he was crazy and would've have still kept him in hospital.

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

The first thing he noticed before he even opened his eyes, was the smell of fried eggs. It hit home. His mom used to cook fried eggs for his dad every morning because it was his favorite... fried eggs and black coffee every morning without fail.

There were many fond memories of his dad and one of them was when he would greet him in the morning by ruffling his hair and say, "morning kiddo". He never stopped doing that even when he become a teenager. And he missed that.

He always thought he was the coolest dad in the world. But kids in school didn't think so. After he boasted that his dad was a cop in class one day, they all turned against him and made his life hell. When they weren't pushing him around and calling him names, they called his dad names instead. They called him scum, pig, and narc... One time, some kid called his father a joke and it made him so angry, he just snapped and swung a punch in his nose and broke it. He was suspended for a week after that incident and both his parents wasn't impressed and told him to grow up. In the end, he tried to ignore the kids the best he could and couldn't wait till school was over.

He shook off the memories and followed the smell which trailed into the kitchen.

Doug stood there wearing a white shirt and boxers. He had his back against him and was cooking eggs.

Without greeting him right away, he glanced at the clock on the wall and saw it had just gone past ten. _It was late._

"Aren't you supposed to be in work?"

Doug turned his head to his direction and crooked him a smile.. "Hey, I was just making some breakfast. Want some?"

"Yeah sure," he replied. "And a black coffee."

"I'm just gonna have mine first."

He watched Doug as prepared his breakfast and quickly tucked in.

"So, aren't you supposed be at work?"

"Technically _I am_ at work," Doug replied. It was hard not to notice the fact egg yolk was dribbling down his chin.

"How can you _technically_ be at work?" he frowned at him.

"The case I'm working on revolves around you," he admitted. "Fuller told me to look out for you."

He should have felt mad. But he didn't. Nothing seemed to surprise him anymore.

Doug flashed his puppy brown eyes at him. "I'm sorry."

Instead of telling him it was fine, he picked up a tea towel and threw it in his direction. "You've got egg yolk on your chin."

While Doug sheepishly wiped at his face, he sat himself down at the kitchen table. It was stacked high with junk consisting of random objects, magazines, case reports, files, and newspapers. On one of the newspapers, he saw a face - his face staring back at him. He was pictured in black and white and saw the word _cop_ in bold. He grabbed the paper and set it on the table under his nose to take a good look at it. He was about to start reading the first sentence, when suddenly, it was replaced by a fresh plate of fried eggs.

He had a feeling that his friend did it on purpose. But still, it didn't stop him from pondering about it. He thought, since his face was shown in the newspaper, it may mean that he wouldn't be able to go undercover because he would risk being recognised. Because of that, he may have to be stuck on a desk job until he looked old enough to be real cop. Even though he felt guilty for busting kids and throwing them into jail, he still had the need to carry on being one. He could never give up something that his father loved doing and still believed in making his dad proud. It would always run through his veins no matter what, and there was nothing James could do about it.

"You're not eating," Doug said, stating the obvious.

"What the hell am I supposed to do?"

"You pick up the fork and -"

"I was referrring to the newspapers!"

"You'll be fine," Doug said calmly. "Eat up."

He stared down at his plate and saw the eggs now looked rubber and souless. When Doug went away to boil the kettle, he pushed it aside and looked back at the paper again. By now, the newspaper had dark patches on it because the plate was wet from beneath. However, he was still able to read it.

ONGOING SEARCH FOR MISSING UNDERCOVER COP.

The article claimed that they had been searching for him for over three weeks and had no luck. There was no leads or evidence of any crime. He couldn't believe it. Nothing at all? He shot up on his feet and tried to rummage through the other newspapers for more articles. His stomach swelled in anxiety and desperation for something, something that told him the police tried hard enough to find him. But ended up flipping and throwing papers in the air.

"Tom!"

He stopped and glared and Doug, huffing and puffing. "Why the hell did it take you so long to find me?"

"I don't know," Doug replied with downcast eyes.

He kneeled down to the floor to gather up the papers together. But he so felt lost, he ended up sitting there for prolonged time, with the papers still in his grasp.

"Those guys deserve to be put away, Tom," said Doug. "But the only way you can do that is by going to the police department tomorrow and tell them what happened."

He felt himself sinking. Of course, how could he forget? They had been pestering him since day one, trying to make him talk. He wished they would leave him alone. But no, they set a date tomorrow and expected him to be there.

"I don't want to."

"I know you don't want to talk about what happened but you have to and they won't leave you alone until you do."

He thought it was so unfair.

"Look, you're not gonna be alone," Doug reassured him. "I will be there, Fuller will be there, Jude, Harry will be there."

He shook his head in despair. It wouldn't make a difference for he was still adamant in his refusal to change his mind.

They spent the portion of that morning in silence. There was no use arguing because they both stood strongly in their grounds with their own beliefs - to seek justice and to not seek justice.

"Well that was a shitty morning," Doug muttered under his breath.

Tom couldn't help but lift the corners of his mouth into a smile. It was just what he needed. Just a little humor. "It's shitty everyday."

"Yeah, I know it hadn't been great lately," he agreed. "So why don't we go out and have some fun instead of worrying about tomorrow?"

Fun? That word stuck out like a sore thumb. He didn't think having fun would ever be possible again; to be able to laugh without any pain and worries stuck behind his head.

Doug tried to throw around one suggestion after another until finally settling on bowling.


	9. Chapter 9

The pins collapsed in unison with a satisfying crack. Tom had his first game of bowling with Doug and managed to get a strike on his first go.

"Three months without practice and you're still a pro!" Doug grinned. "You just have to say 'slamerino' like you used to," he teased.

Tom shot him a glare. He used to say 'slamerino' everytime he got a strike until he got sick of Doug making fun of it.

"You made sure I never used that word again."

"I was only trying to help you," his friend smirked.

Doug had his go next but was a complete failure because the ball rolled off the mark and didn't hit a single pin.

"Don't worry Doug, I'm always going to be a pro no matter what and you will always suck at it," he teased back.

Doug pretended to look offended. "Oh thanks!"

After they finished their first game, they sat down for a break. He thought it was a good idea going out after all because he managed to have fun, forgot about tomorrow and even managed to forget about those paranoid feelings; those feeling that James and his men were lurking around, watching him. What made it even better, was the fact Judy, Harry and Fuller was invited to come by later on.

And he loved bowling. Bowling was just another piece that he got from his father that he was proud to have because used to take him bowling nearly every Saturday.

"Remember when you got us thrown out?" Tom asked his friend. "You thought it would be funny to bowl with two bowling balls at the same time!"

That was in the early days of their friendship. All Doug wanted to do was to take him out to a nightclub and get hooked up with girls but he declined, saying he was supposed to be bowling with his league. Doug didn't give up and went to watch him bowl without forgetting to persuade him to take up his invitation. Tom tried to help Doug's frustation and boredom by letting him have a shot. He instantly regretted it however because Doug kept hurling two balls at the same time which broke the rules and lost his game in the league. To make matters worse, the manager of the bowling alley threw them out. "I hate you," Tom told Doug as soon as they got chucked out. And my god he meant it.

"Hey, at least I got us hooked up with two hot girls and woke up to breakfast the next morning!" Doug grinned.

 _That was Doug; reckless, irresponsible but still could be forgiven,_ Tom thought in amusement.

"Anyway, I remember when you dressed like a complete geek back then and acted like a complete snob. You drove me mad but I still liked you," said Doug. "Liked you enough to become my best friend," he added.

He bit his lip to stop himself from smiling. "You drove me mad back then as well and you still drive me mad even now."

"But...?"

Tom lifted a smile but didn't reply.

They were in the middle of another game when Fuller, Judy and Harry caught up with them. They looked pleased to see them having fun like old times and even more so when they saw Tom earn another strike.

"Where's your slamerino?" Judy teased.

"Will people shut up about that?" Tom whined.

Fuller, Judy and Harry watched them until they finished their game then all headed to the cafe in the alley and ordered chips each. They laughed and joked about different things - just like the old days. It was almost perfect despite being the most difficult time of his life.

"I'm glad to see you're doing ok." Fuller told him when they were alone. "I'm glad to see you out there having fun. You've always bounced back from anything and I know you will do again."

Tom, who had smiled from the result of Fuller's first sentence, had a smile that suddenly dropped in an instant. He couldn't believe how wrong Fuller was. He had always had high expectations of him and he knew deep down he was going to fail him.

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

He was led into a small room and saw one officer standing by a long wooden table, whilst another officer was sat down with a writing pad open and ready with a pen in one hand. He recognised the officer standing by the table. He used to work with him whilst in patrol. Back then he didn't like him one bit because he used to give him a bit of a hard time. He used to joke with the other officers about how young he looked.

He didn't know the other cop but was able to read his name tag: .

"Hanson," he smiled with a nod.

"Steven," Tom greeted back with a hint of irritability in his voice.

He sat himself down and clasped his hands together from under the table. He really didn't want be there but he had no choice. Doug dragged him along as well as Fuller, Judy and Harry and they were outside the door waiting for him.

"We understand you've been refusing to talk since you were at the hospital," Reed began. "Now that you are here and in a better, safer environment, it would be a good opportunity to get this case moving along by telling us as much as you can and as much as you can remember."

"No pressure, just take your time," Steven added.

He switched his eyes between the two officers whilst biting his lip. He couldn't tell, he just couldn't.

"You know the drill and you know how these things work," Steven said rather cockily.

After another five minutes of not saying anything, Reed started to get impatient. He could tell because he kept tapping the table with the pen between his fingers.

"Would you prefer to talk with Charlie?" Steven asked.

His heart thudded. Charlie used to be his dad's partner and best friend for a few good years. After his dad died, Charlie later become his partner while he was just starting out in patrol. He couldn't have chosen a better partner because he was very caring and also very funny. Unfortunately, he hadn't seen him since he enrolled at Jump Street.

He said no.

He said no because he didn't want Charlie to see a man destroyed. He had been there long enough to watch him grow from a timid teenager, to a wreck after his father died, then to watch him grow and bloom again when he took his dad's job.

"You're making a big mistake here, Hanson," Reed glowered. "It's highly likely that you will win this case and put these guys away but only if you talk sooner and get this over with!"

His lip started to bleed from the inside of his mouth from fighting to stay silent.

"TALK!" Reed yelled.

"I just want it to go away," he blurted out.

"It won't go away and it will never go away unless you tell us what happened!" Reed snapped.

By now, Reed's eyes and facial expression was full of rage as well as disappointment. It made him feel so uncomfortable, he lowered his gaze to the table instead.

"You want to let those guys roam free?!" yelled Reed. "You want those guys to hurt you again, touch you again and whatever the hell they did to you?!"

The air in the room become cold. His throat felt dry and a lump that formed in his throat felt big enough to gag. He couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't cope with their yelling and hostility. He hated the way he was speaking to him because it felt as though _he_ had commited a crime.

Reed stood up from his chair and suddenly slammed his fist down onto the table. A bang erupted and the table shook in response. It was so unexpected, it caused his body to let out a flinch.

"TALK, DAMMIT, TALK!"

"We can't take you seriously and move on the case if you don't talk to us," said Steven. His voice sounded much calmer than Reed and it somehow caught on the officer because his body language relaxed.

"Fine, I gather you don't want to press charges," Reed said darkly.

He didn't say anything. He didn't need to. They already knew the answer so they let him go without another word. The last thing he remebered before leaving, was their eyes flashing and burning with anger and disappointment.

He left the room in a daze and drained of energy. He barely acknowledged his Fuller and his partners and some of the words they were saying. What he did do, was go over to where they were standing and collapsed on the nearest chair.

"Are you okay?" Judy asked.

"They ended up yelling at me," he said quietly.

"I know, I heard," Fuller replied sternly. He could hear the disappointment behind his stern voice. He couldn't stand it. He let Fuller down for sure and there was nothing he could do about it.

"They yelled at you because they wanted to do what's best for you. It's also their job and you're not making it easy for them." Fuller paused to point at the door. "So I want you to get back in there and tell them everything what happened!"

"No, I can't do it and I won't do it."

"Why Hanson?" Fuller exasperated. "Are you trying to protect them or something?"

"No." He swallowed down the lump in his throat which still lingered. "What I'm trying to do is protect myself."

"What is there to protect?" cried Doug. "Even if you don't tell, they could still go after you!"

Tom threw his friend a look to say not to butt in and making things difficult.

"Doug is right Tom," said Fuller.

"I'm trying to protect myself by keeping it quiet and hope one day, no one ever remember because it's easier that way!" he argued. "There are things I don't want to talk about and it's also nobody's business!"

"What ever happened to justice, Tom?" Fuller fumed. "Three months ago, justice meant _everything_ to you."

He still couldn't bring himself to get over the guilt of being responsible. Maybe being in the papers had it's advantage after all because he could use it as an excuse to never go undercover in schools again. Whether he would still feel bad sending any guys to prison in the future, he didn't know.

"Maybe justice doesn't matter to me anymore. Maybe I feel like I failed all those kids who I busted in schools. Maybe I feel like a shit for throwing them into jail without any consideration for their future!"

Fuller shook his head in disappointment. "So you want those kids who destroyed other people's lives still sit in class and roam the streets?"

He tried to think about what he was saying but only got a growing headache. It was as though his brain swelled from so much confusion. Half of him felt bad about sending kids to prison, but the other half of him felt the need to carry on making his dad proud.

"So you _do_ want to protect them?" Harry jumped in. "Is that it?"

"I don't know!" his voice rose over his headache "I'm tired and I want to go home!" .

"Fine, go home but don't go blaming me for not protecting you if those guys ever touched you again!" Fuller fumed.

He returned back to Doug's apartment soon after. He still felt like a complete wreck and wanted to sleep it off but Doug sat on the couch beside him and kept questioning and questioning.

"Why are you protecting them?" he prodded.

"Just tell me what happened that made you feel keeping it quiet was the best idea?" Doug began to plead. "You can talk to me ok? You are my best friend!"

Tom shot him a glare. "Why should I trust you? I'm just another one of your cases aren't I? Anything I tell you would just go straight to Fuller!"

Words caught in Doug's throat and at the same time, his eyes become glassy.

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Over the next few days, everyone tried their hardest to change his mind whilst he tried his hardest to stand his ground, leaving false hope staining their eyes.

While he was still staying at Doug's, he wrote a list of things he wanted from his apartment which included basic things such as clothes, necessities and one valuable item; a framed photo of him and his dad together. In the picture, it was a summers day and he was eight years old. It showed his father in police uniform holding him close while teaching him baseball. He loved that photo and would find himself looking at it whenever he needed comfort. Three months without it, felt like years. When he was held captive, he tried to visualize the picture in his head to comfort him. But deep down, he feared the details would be eventually fall away and be fogotten forever.

He was certain he was only going to stay at Doug's for a short amount of time, so he began looking through property sections in newspapers for a new apartment. Doug didn't like it one bit and told him it wasn't safe for him to be on his own just yet. But he didn't seem to listen to Doug these days.

He liked the idea of returning to Jump Street even if it was just a desk job. He felt he needed work to get his head straight and back into the game. He tried to make Doug convince Fuller that he was ready. However, Fuller said it just wasn't the right time. They too, had to find somewhere to recollate. And Fuller thought it was too early to think about given he still had to see a psychiatrist until the six weeks was over which was compulsary through the hospital.

He thought the sessions with the psychiatrist was a waste of time and he made sure to tell Dr. Adams that everytime he went there. He didn't trust Adams one bit because he seemed to know everything. He knew he didn't file a report to the police and kept asking him why. He also had a feeling that whatever he said wasn't confidential and anything he said would be reported.

"What is keeping you from reporting what you experienced to the police?" Adams asked.

There he went again; asking the same question. He tried to put him off by refusing to answer but decided to give what he wanted because he felt, if he talked, maybe he would let him go sooner.

"I thought it was best to deal with it quietly instead of opening it up like a can of worms," he explained. "I also feel it's no one's business about what I went through."

"It must have been awful enough for you to think it was best to keep quiet."

He shrugged. "I'm a cop. I've seen a lot of dark things... so what difference does it make?"

Adams was about to open his mouth to say something but he halted him. "You are just a psychiatrist. You may have heard a lot of stories but you hadn't seen those stories before your eyes. I've been a cop for years and I've seen and experienced more crazy things than the average person should experience in their lifetime."

Adams rubbed his chin and looked obviously interested. "What are you trying to tell me, Tom?"

He wanted to roll his eyes because thought Adam's knew full well what he was talking about. One of his techniques was to act dumb and ask dumb questions just so he could get him to elaborate.

"What I'm trying to tell you is, have you ever seen a kid die from drug overdose? Have you ever seen a girl desperate to kill herself after being raped? Have you ever been in the middle of a school shooting by a kid who had enough of taking other people's crap? Nothing surprises me," he explained. "So right, I'll file a report, seek justice and get a little satifaction. Just a little satisfaction and that's it - so I really don't see the point."

"Have you shared this with your friends and family?"

"No, because they wouldn't get it. They don't feel the same way I do. All they want me to do is get this case over and done with and put these guys away."

"Why don't you?"

He felt like knocking the guys lights out because he felt like he hadn't listened to a word he said. "Because I feel differently from them. I'm prepared and I'm strong enough to leave this case to dust over and move on!"

Adams looked at him with a blank expression. It was enough to tell him he didn't agree with him. It made him feel mad because he thought he had a good point.

"To be honest I don't need to be here. My head had never been so clear and I'm not crazy. I'm only telling you all this so you'll consider letting me quit these sessions."

"I'm sorry Tom but I can't. You still have six weeks to complete."

It made him feel so mad, he had the urge to storm out of the room and never come back. "You don't agree with what I'm telling you, do you?" he asked him in an accusing tone.

"I didn't say that."

"Oh for god's sake!" he cried. "I just rambled and told you all this stuff hoping for you to understand. But now you'd probably turn your back on me and babble to someone about it!"

"You're wrong, Tom. Everything in here is confidential." Adams ignored Tom's glare and resumed. "Why don't we go back to those stuff you experienced and seen whilst you were a cop?"

"No, because it's the same old thing," he replied. "And besides, I'm done talking with you."

After that, he promised he would never have a heart to heart with Adams again. As well as everybody else.

There was no one he could trust.

 **Authors note: I again I don't know how these things work about how the police department would deal with it and whether it would be true about being pushed into seeing a psychiatrist for six weeks... oh well ;)**


	10. Chapter 10

**Warnings apply to the beginning of this chapter due to graphic descriptions and some swear words too.**

He couldn't move.

He couldn't move as he lie helplessly on the cold bathroom floor. The room was spinning and the majority of his body hurt like hell.

He watched in horror as own blood slowly spread across the floor and inking in with the puddles.

He could hear himself breathing heavily with short gasps of pain and fear.

He didn't think it would ever happen to him.

But it did.

His eyes leaked with tears and it ran down his face hitting his mouth with the taste of salt.

"Hey sweet ass!" They laughed so cruely, so coldly.

Foreign hands were all over his body again. He flinched from the touch and gasped another _no_. He didn't think he could take much more and must have said no a thousand times but they never listened.

He could feel hot, heavy breathing prickling the back of his neck.

"I know you will like it," the man whispered.

In panic, he tried to muster enough strength to fight back but the man was now on top of him and was crushing on his chest from his weight.

Then it started. All over again.

It hurt so bad, he felt like he was being jammed by a poker, fresh out of flames. He screamed over and over until his throat felt like it was scalded.

Suddenly, a thought popped in his head telling him it was just one of his nightmares and he was supposed to wake up.

But he couldn't wake up, no matter how hard he tried. No matter how many times he told himself he's sleeping peacefully on Doug's couch, not being raped continuously on the bathroom floor by the men.

 _How could it be a dream if it hurt so bad?_ It felt as though his flesh was been burned and torn.

He saw more blood spreading across the floor, mixing in with the water until it was completely dark red. He screamed and screamed in pain and terror.

Hands gripped both of his arms. But different hands. Hands that wasn't supposed to be there.

Laughs echoed through his ears.

"Wake up, wake up!" a voice yelled at him.

Suddenly, it was as though a backdrop curtain fell before his eyes. Behind it, he could see he was no longer in the bathroom anymore. The men were gone. All he saw, was Doug's face looking at him in a mixture of concern and fear.

It was just another nightmare.

"I couldn't wake up," he whispered with pain.

"You're awake now," Doug said gently.

Doug's hands was still gripping his arms and he didn't like it. Tears ran down his already tear-stained face. "I couldn't wake up," he repeated with a sob.

He had never experienced a nightmare so terrifying. He had no idea what dreams could be capable of. How it could be so strong enough to actually feel it and almost get stuck. He felt so scarred and haunted from the nightmare, he could feel himself freaking out because Doug's hands was still gripping on him. He couldn't stand the feeling of being touched. Not again.

"Get off me!"

He gave Doug one, hard shove then got up. He felt so nauseous, he felt like he was going to throw up. The pain. The hands. They felt too real. He stumbled across the hall and stopped at the toilets to throw up. His body rocked with convulsions from the effort to get rid of the sickness. When he finished emptying the contents, he ended up coughing because his throat burned from acid.

A hand touched him once again. Upon his back. He knew it was Doug checking if he was ok but he couldn't cope with being touched at all.

"Get the fuck off me!"

He immediately let go. "Sorry, I uh, I'll go get you a glass of water, ok?" he stuttered.

After he heard Doug's feet patter away and fade in the distance, he flushed the toilet then let his head rest on the edge of the toilet seat in exhaustion.

He sobbed quietly. It felt too real. He couldn't understand why his dreams were trying to torture him over and over. He tried to avoid sleeping a few times but he still couldn't help experiencing the nightmares even if he closed his eyes for a second. He thought he could cope but this one was the worst. He really thought that the nightmares would lessen over time and hopefully eventually disappear altogether. But it hadn't. It was cruel, and it wasn't fair.

"I got you some water."

He didn't move. He didn't want to look at Doug. He felt embarrassed and ashamed for freaking out then throwing up in front of his friend. What must he thought?

Eventually after calming down, he wiped away the tears with the back of his hand then retrieved the glass of water. When he drunk it down, it felt cool against his burning throat.

"Tom, I know you've been having nightmares almost every night but that was the worst I've seen!"

"I know," his voice cracked.

"What were you dreaming about?"

"Nothing - it was just a stupid dream."

"Some dream! I woke up and came running because I heard you screaming bloody murder!" said Doug. "Tom, I know you've been dreaming about whatever those guys did to you. But you can't just think you can make it go away by keeping it all inside because it'll just eat you up."

"I'm going to bed," he could only say.

"Tom..." Doug tried to protest. But he ignored him and left him there with frustration and confusion written on his face.

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 _"I've been told you've been having nightmares."_

He felt betrayed. He knew it was Doug who told the psychiatrist because no one else knew he had nightmares. It happened two nights ago. Doug tried to bring it up but he put him off and hoped Doug would eventually forget. But Doug wasn't the kind of guy who could sweep things under his feet. And because of his stupidy, he could have blown his chances to leave after the six weeks.

"Yeah, so what?" he replied, irratabely. "Everybody gets them."

"Not everybody Tom, and certainly not every night," Adams argued. "I may not be a dream expert, but I know that unresolved problems results in persistent dreams. You have to deal with them by talking about what happened."

He gave him a cold stare. "You know what I think? I think you are just tricking me into getting to talk. Talking about it won't make a difference. And it certainly won't cut those memories out of my head, will it?"

"Maybe not. But it's possible you can change the frequency of those dreams."

"Dream expert, right?" he said sarcastically.

It didn't seem he managed to hurt Adams ego, for he carried on talking about the subject of dreams and nightmares throughout the whole session. He zoned himself out, badly he wanting the session to finish.

It was five minutes before the end of the session and without a word, he stormed out of the room and slammed the door.

All he thought about, was how tired he was of people hassling him and thinking they knew what was best for him. And seeing Doug standing there gawping at him, was enough to make him blow his top.

"Oh thanks a lot Doug!" he snapped. "I should have known not to trust you!"

Doug's eyes were wide and innocent looking. "What are you talking about?"

Instead of replying, he turned his heel and stormed off. He intended to continue the discussion but needed somewhere away from earshot

Doug followed him while huffing and puffing from the effort of catching up. "What's the deal, man?" he said, irritabely once they got to a quiet spot in a parking lot.

"You told Adams about my stupid nightmares!"

Doug lowered his eyes in guilt. "I didn't know what else to do!" he protested. "I really want to help you, Tom but to be honest, I'm stuck."

"It's not that hard!" he snapped. "All you have to do is leave me the fuck alone and let me deal with this myself!"

"How can you do that, Tom?!" his voice rose.

"By trying to forget and move on!"

"I won't work."

"Watch me..." Was the last thing he said before leaving Doug hanging.

He had never felt so ready to prove him wrong. And everybody else for that matter. And as soon as he got back to Doug's apartment, he looked through a bunch of newspaper clippings of available properties which he collected over the days.

He picked the one that stood out the most. A apartment to rent which was ten miles out of the city of Vancouver.

He felt a wave of positive feelings and emotions.

This was it. The first step. A fresh start.

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 _A week later._

While packed his stuff in a cardboard box, Doug kept hovering around him like some annoying fly.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Doug asked for the fifth time.

"Yes I'm sure!" He had never been so sure. He was lucky to get the apartment that interested him. And he was so sure it was the one, he didn't even bother checking it out.

"It's because I told Dr. Adams on you, isn't it?" asked Doug quietly.

He was right. He was really mad at him and gave him a cold shoulder for two days before making up again. No matter how many times they fought in the past, they still managed to make up. It was like having a brother. No matter how many times he drove him mad, he couldn't imagine life without him.

He stopped throwing in his clothes then gave Doug the attention he needed. "I'm not mad at you anymore," he answered. "I just want a fresh start. I can't stay here forever. And I want to deal with this the best way I know how."

"Ok," Doug said uncertainly. "Want me to go with you at least?"

He shook his head. "I got to start being independent," he replied. "I can't have you watching every move I make and following me wherever I go all the time."

"But something could happen to you..."

He could hear fear in Doug's voice. He guessed it affected him too. He remembered he told him that he barely got any sleep when he disappeared and said most nights, he would walk up and down the blocks searching for him until sunrise.

"Nothing is going to happen to me," he reasurred him. "I can take care of myself."

He carried on packing until lastly he said, "and I swear, if you tell Dr. Adams I moved out, I'll be mad at you forever."

"I won't tell," Doug assured. "I don't like it... but I won't tell."

It was raining when he put his box of stuff in the boot of his Mustang. It was gentle, but dampened his clothes.

He may have felt a little uneasy going to a new apartment alone. But he felt safe and protected because he was going to use his dad's car to get there. His dad loved that car and hardly went anywhere without it. He had many fond memories of going on day trips with his dad and wouldn't sell the car for the world. He vowed to keep the car in pristine condition in memory of his father but it was a hard vow because time could take care of it and it could risk being damaged permanently or even stolen. It was one of his biggest fears and he wouldn't know what to do if it happened.

He opened the door and was about to get in before Doug gently touched his shoulder.

"Be careful ok?" he said. "And call me as soon as you get to the apartment."

He set off and drove through the city while he listened mindless talking from the the radio. _Thud, thud, thud_ was the sound of the window wiper cleaning his windows as the rain pounded harder.

 _Elmhurst street_ , he chanted in his head. It was the street where his new apartment was going to be. He never been there nor heard it before but he knew one of the streets that led to it. He remembered the particular street looked rough but not 'dangerous' rough.

He experienced one of the roughest streets in Vancouver on a case once. He saw shootings, fights and drug dealings all within a week. He hoped Elmhurst street would be better and no less.

He missed his old apartment but didn't love it. He had always seen it as temporary place because he had a feeling he would have to move around quite a lot whilst working undercover and never settled. He never decorated or furnished it either. He expected he would have the same feelings about the new apartment as well. So if it was rough, maybe it wouldn't matter too much because he could just find another place in the meantime.

While he drove, he had a strange feeling that began swelling in his stomach. But he didn't know what. Confused, he turned up the radio to blast some song by Depeche mode to take his mind off of it.

As he breathed heavily, his eyes caught sight of something the rearview mirror.

Then he found out why.

A car was tailing behind him; tailing close enough to make him feel suspicious.

His heart missed a beat when he realised it was a black car.

His breathing grew faster and his heart thumped against his chest in panic.

He couldn't hear the music blasting on the radio any more.

The car was getting closer and closer...

So close... His heartbeat thumped so loudly, he could hear it drumming in his ears.

To his suprise, the car took a sharp turn then disappeared down a lane.

It was gone. He was safe.

It was just some dumb driver.

He drew up on the side of the road and had a break for a few minutes so he could calm down and get his head together.

After his heart rate slowed down, the music returned to his ears in full blast.

He recognised the road he was on and realised he wasn't too far from Elmhurst.

He was finally there.

Elmhurst looked better than he expected. There was some tacky looking shops, but other than that, he liked the look of his apartment. It was hard to miss because it was the biggest building on the street and looked modern.

After he met with the owner and retrieved his key, he saw the apartment didn't look bad either. All the facilities worked, it was spacious and had a smooth, wooden floor.

He felt tired and before he could think of curling up on the floor to sleep, he remembered he had to phone Doug.

But because he didn't have a home phone installed yet, he had to go back out and search for one. He didn't go far and he managed to call him and told him everything was fine and that he was happy with the look of the apartment which pleased Doug. But he didn't tell him what happened earlier in the car of course. He blown it back there. But he had to let it pass and couldn't turn back now because he got this far.


	11. Chapter 11

Nothing changed.

He still got nightmares.

And he still felt scared.

No one knew, and whenever they asked him he was okay, he lied. There were so many lies and so many secrets, it began to stack up and weigh him down.

But still, he didn't want to give up and wanted to prove that he could stand on his own two feet. He already got an apartment and all he needed now, was to go back to work.

Doug told him he managed to convince Fuller to re-collate Jump Street to another building a few weeks back. He said it wasn't that difficult because Fuller's first priority was to keep his officers safe; especially after the kidnapping incident.

Doug said it took a while to settle down into the new building because it didn't have the same personality as the old chapel. There was no pole to slide down to get to the ground floor, there was no posters plastered on the walls, there was no mini cage in the corner. They managed to move most of the stuff like the pinball machine, the cowboy statue, the bear with the boxing gloves and the hydrant mini fridge but it only looked odd inside the dull, modern building. He felt bad when Doug told him this and believed it was all his fault.

He wanted to come back but Fuller told him he had to finish seeing Dr. Adams first.

Eventually he was allowed to return after the six weeks were up. He was glad to leave and let's say he didn't hug Dr. Adams; yet alone a handshake or even a thank you. However, Adams gave him a card with his number on it and told him to call him anytime he needed. He didn't plan to but didn't throw the card away either.

He thought the new Jump Street building was a difficult find. It was based on the outskirts of Vancouver, down an alleyway and through a backdoor.

And they were right. It did lack personality. It looked like a any old boring office because of its plain walls, grey carpet and ugly looking chairs and desks.

Most of the stuff they had from the old building was there but it looked out of place... as though it didn't want to be there. Not only had he lost some of his identity, but Jump Street had as well.

After hugging and talking with his co-workers, he entered Fuller's office for 'a chat'. The office was far too small and there was nothing from the old office that was there anymore.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" Fuller asked.

"Of course...I want it more than anything," he replied. "And like you said once upon a time, I've always bounced back from anything... and this is me bouncing back. "

Fuller sighed. "I know you expect me to say I'm proud of you Hanson, I want to be," his hand placed on his heart as he said this. "But you still have to talk about what happened and to be honest, your silence makes me feel uncomfortable."

He believed Fuller wasn't going to let him come back to work unless he said something so took the plunge and just said it. "Fine. They had me locked up in a room for three months, some days they starved me, most days they beat me and when they were doing that, they just said things that I'd... rather forget." His words rung in his ears. It sounded strange talking about it even if it was just a summary. And let's say it didn't make him feel any better talking about it which Adams claimed would work.

Fuller looked at him full of sorrow. "I'm really sorry to hear that, Tom. But I'm glad you told me." He opened the drawer of his desk and handed him a new badge.

A new badge because the men still had his other one. He retrieved it carefully in his hands and studied it. The photo on the badge looked like a stranger. He looked so sure of himself, fresh-faced and youthful. The man in the photo thought differently too. All he thought about was justice.

"Are you sure you don't want to report what happened?"

"I'm sure," he responded. "Reporting it would have created an even bigger mess. I didn't want to be in a vulnerable position and tell the police and the courts what happened. I didn't want to admit that I failed, that they were stronger than me and that I couldn't fight back."

"But reporting it and putting those men into jail _is_ a way of fighting back," Fuller argued.

"I just want to move on," his voice cracked emotionally.

"Ok. But it's never to late to report it if you change your mind," said Fuller. "So... about work. I know it's not a good idea for you to go undercover in high schools and operations at this moment of time. I don't know if anyone would recognize you from the media but I'm not willing to risk it. What I can do, is let you have a desk job in the meantime."

"I expected that."

"But as creative as we are, we may put you in some cases with convincing disguises."

Tom smiled. "That scares me." Fuller was about to ask why before he explained. "Remember that time you made me dress as a woman in one case?"

"How can anyone forget that?" his captain chuckled. "And I must say, you looked pretty convincing."

He shook his head in amusement. "Thanks a lot captain."

They talked some more until Fuller had to let him go because he had to answer a phone call. Before he even turned the door knob, Fuller said,

"If you ever need to talk about anything, the door is always open."

It wasn't the first time he said that. Even before the whole incident. And it wasn't going to be the last.

 **xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

The first few weeks at Jump Street felt slow. The paperwork he had to do on his desk job was grueling. While he filed and made phone calls, everyone else was working on a case. He felt useless and out of place whilst everyone made sure to give him a pitying look now and again. He hardly even saw Doug because he was busy working undercover in some high school. Doug tried hard to see him as much as he could however and recently visited him on a lunch break.

"How are you doing?" Doug asked.

"Bored." he simply said.

Doug gave him a pitying look then handed him a paper bag. "I got you lunch to cheer you up."

He peeked inside and saw it was burger and fries. "Rocket Dog's!" he said as enthusiastically as he could. He was beginning to adapt to it but it still wasn't his favorite. However, he was now at a healthy weight and Doug tried his best to keep it that way.

While he ate, Doug talked about different things but nothing about the case. He had no idea what the case was all about but Doug, Judy and Harry were all involved in it. It made him feel left out and didn't know why they never shared anything about it. Even if he hadn't asked.

"So what's the case you are working on?" he finally asked. "What's all the mystery?"

Doug looked miserable as he pouted. "We are all stuck on this case to be honest. A girl was _raped_ -"

Tom lost him on the word, rape. It cut through him like a blade. He couldn't help but zone out and feel numb as he remembered all those horrific times he had been sexually assaulted.

He shook his head as though to shake off the memories and found himself back to reality. "Wait, what did you say?"

" _I said_ , this girl was raped in school a week ago but she refuses to tell the cops what happened," Doug repeated. "We've got no leads, no one knows nothing and we've tried everything to get her to talk. And that's why we are stuck."

Suddenly it was as though a light bulb switched on above his head. He could talk to this girl because he understood what she was going through. Because like her, he was raped and like her, he didn't want to talk. He felt talking to her was something he had to do. And besides, it was an opportunity to go out and do something instead of being stuck behind a desk with unfulfilling tasks. "Can I talk to her?"

"Undercover as who?"

"Simply as myself."

Doug threw his head back in surprise. "I don't see why not as we've run out of ideas," he replied. "I'd ask Fuller about it first though."

 **xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Fuller supported his idea and gave him a go ahead. He drove to the girls house, confident that he could help the girl.

Laura Bennett was her name.

The house stood openly in the suburbs of a wealthy area. _Rape can happen to anyone, regardless of their social standing and regardless of their age and sex_ , he thought to himself.

The light bulb above his head began to crack because he had no idea what to expect and didn't know what he was going to say to the girl either.

But he couldn't turn back now. It was a chance to snap back into the role of being a cop again and he couldn't let that chance slip through his fingers.

After he knocked on the door, a lady swiftly answered it which he assumed, was the girl's mother. She looked distraught and tired and her hair was tied back and un-brushed.

He flashed his badge. "I'm here to see Laura Bennett."

She let out a frustrated sigh. "Another cop?"

He shuffled his feet awkwardly. "I uh... I think I can help."

"You can go in," she said. "As long as you take it easy on her."

He nodded then let himself in.

Inside the home reminded him of a dolls house because it looked too clean and tidy. It had auburn colored furniture and the walls and carpets had floral patterns.

He followed the mother upstairs and was directed to a closed door.

"She's in here," the mother said before walking downstairs and out of sight.

He knocked on the door. Silence. He waited a few minutes, then decided to let himself in.

The girl's room was much, much different from the rest of the house. Clothes were strewn everywhere on the floor and her walls was plastered over with posters of pop-groups and teen idols. He recognized a pop group called a-ha. Another poster was a picture of Michael J Fox.

In the middle of the room, the girl was curled up in bed with a bed-sheet twisted around her body. Her blue eyes looked vacant under her disheveled brown hair.

"Hi..." he greeted softly.

He edged closer towards her and knelt down so that their eyes met.

Her blue, greenish eyes glittered with some acknowledgement of his presence. "What do you want?" she whispered.

He felt like sighing in relief because he was glad the girl spoke. Even if it was just a little bit because it was a difficult job personally and professionally.

"I'm a cop and I want to help you Laura."

She shook her head slowly. "You can't."

"Please... I want to know who hurt you."

"I don't want to say!" she cried then hid her face with her bed-sheet. "I just want to be left alone!"

He knelt there and waited patiently while she sniffled under the bed sheet. He badly wanted to ease her pain because he knew how she felt. He wanted to make her feel that she could connect with him and trust him. See him as the real thing and not some B cop that just shows up.

"I know how you feel," he found himself saying.

"How could you possibly know how I feel!" she cried bitterly.

"Well I... I don't know if you heard about it, but I was the cop that got kidnapped."

She slowly emerged from behind the sheet and looked at him in surprise. "I heard about that..." She swallowed uneasily. "It took months before they found you."

He nodded. "Uh-huh."

"But... how does that relate to how I feel?"

"Like you, there were things I refused to talk about and like you, I just wanted it to go away."

She nodded slowly to show she understood.

"Like you I was..." his eyes welled up in tears before he could stop them and he bent his head to hide his face from her. But she still saw it. She saw the tears that fell freely from his face.

"You...you were what?" the girl asked, who sounded confused and alarmed.

"I-I didn't tell anyone," he cried softly. "I didn't tell anyone I was...raped."

"But...but..." she could only say before she slipped out of bed and sat beside him. "You didn't tell anyone?" she asked.

"Oh god," he whispered then wiped the tears from his face. He didn't mean to slip so much information and certainly didn't intend to tell the girl his secrets. And he honestly felt like an asshole because it was supposed to be about her, and not him. "I'm sorry for freaking you out like that."

"No...no, you didn't," she reassured him. "In fact...you helped me understand that it could happen to anyone."

He looked at her, and really looked at her and saw she looked younger than her age but pretty, with long hair that fell over her shoulders.

"I don't think I helped you at all because I just told you I didn't tell anyone," he told her.

"I think you should."

He shook his head. "No, I think _you_ should. You are young and you have a future ahead of you."

"Yes but you should too because are a cop. You are important."

"So I guess we're stuck. We are both going to be silent and let those guys get away with it," he said bitterly.

She tucked in her lips and lowered her head. "It's not right," she said sadly. But then her head sprung back up again and had a strange sense of happiness surrounding her. "If I tell you who did it, would you promise me to tell someone who did the same thing to you?

He couldn't believe his ears. The girl had just changed her mind and was now willing to reveal who raped her. But for a price. He had to do something he didn't want to do. "Why?" he found himself saying.

"Because you believe in me that much and want to help. And I want to do the same thing for you," she replied. "We can do this together."

He wanted to refuse her idea to protect himself, he really did, but he couldn't let this young girl down. He wanted to present himself as a good role model and to prove her life wasn't over.

"Okay, I promise," he said quietly.

They sat for a few minutes in silence until the girl made a move and picked up a small bear off the bed. The bear had a red ribbon around its neck and the coat looked old and worn. He thought the bear must be special to her from the way she was holding it close for comfort.

"My teacher, raped me," she said out of the blue.

He couldn't believe it. A teacher?

"Everyone loves Mr. Woodstock," she said, bitterly. "I did too. I liked him until I stayed behind after class. Everybody was going home after the last bell. I went up to and tried to get some advice on my assignment which I was stuck on. He took some time to talk through it until...until." Her face screwed up and tears fell from her eyes. "Until he kept calling me beautiful. I thought it was creepy and told him I should be getting home. But he was too strong...he wouldn't let me go. He ripped off my clothes, held me down and raped me."

His heart felt heavy with emotion as he held her close and let her cry in his shoulder. "I'm sorry...I'm sorry," he kept telling her.

"I didn't tell, because is everyone's favorite teacher. Even the parents love him. I thought no one would believe me."

"I believe you. And I'm sure everyone else will believe you too," he reassured her.

"I hope so." she sniffed. She pulled away then looked deep in his eyes. "Now I told you... you have to tell me."

He sucked in an unsteady breath and let out his secret. "I was raped by three men more than once." he said quietly. "One of the guys who raped me, was some kid I busted whilst I was undercover. He wanted revenge because I sent him to prison. He wanted to make me suffer and subject me to things he experienced whilst in prison."

Her eyes were wide like saucers. "Why didn't you tell?"

"I believed guys just... guys just don't get raped," he said. "It's not often reported and I believed things would have gotten messier if I told. I would have to write a detailed report and tell people all those details that I feel ashamed and embarrassed about."

"So will I." The girl only said.

Those three words felt like a slap in the face and brought sense to him. He wasn't the only one that felt that way. And the sad thing was, there are people out there in the world at this moment, who are too afraid to speak.

 **authors note: I mentioned a-ha and michael j fox for the girls posters because I'm a fan of them two as well ;)**

 **And in case you're wondering, I've never experienced rape myself ..I'm sorry for those who had**

 **And was sad that I got rid of the jump street chapel!**


	12. Chapter 12

Everything happened so fast. Laura told her mother what happened. She believed her and cried. He then drove Laura to the nearest police station in the area and supported her while she told them all the details of what happened back in that classroom.

After he drove Laura back home and made sure she was going to be okay, he drove back to Jump Street to share the news.

Because it was now late and school had finished, Doug, Harry and Judy were all there in Fuller's office handing in their reports of the day.

They didn't acknowlege him as he walked up behind him. They were all talking loud and simitously.

"We got him," he said, loud enough for them to hear.

They all stopped talking and all eyes were on him.

"Got who?" Harry asked.

"I visited Laura today and I spoke to her," he replied. "She told me the person who attacked her wasn't by another student like you guys thought. It was her own teacher, Mr. Woodstock."

" ?!" Doug cried. "I liked that guy!"

"Right, and because many people liked him, she was afraid no one would believe her."

They all fell silent as they gathered up their thoughts. Their faces shown horror, guilt and anger all in one.

Fuller was the first to speak after the long silence. "Where is she now?"

"I took her to the police station and she filed a report," he replied. "She's now back home and safe with her mother."

"Good work, Hanson, really good work," said Fuller.

"Yeah, Tom!" Judy agreed. "I spent hours and hours trying to get the girl to talk but it only took you one day!" She almost looked green with jealousy

But he didn't want her to be jealous. He didn't want to be thanked either. Because no one knew it was his deep, dark secret which made the girl speak to him in the first place.

"How did you do it Hanson?" Harry asked. "What's your secret?"

He suddenly felt dizzy and took a step back.

 _How did you do it Hanson? What's your secret?_

 _"Hey Tom..." "What's wrong?" "Are you alright?"_

"I made her a promise," he announced through the fuzzy sounds and images.

"What promise is that?" Judy asked.

"I promised I would tell someone too." He grimaced because he knew he had to admit the truth... for Laura.

"I was raped."

The room fell silent. So silent, he wondered if he had gone deaf. He looked at everyone's faces. They were all twisted in horror.

It was as though time had stopped.

No one was moving.

No one was speaking.

He wondered if he said the wrong thing somehow. "I..." he could only say before he couldn't take the silence anymore and rushed out of the office.

They must have heard what he said.

They were just disgusted.

He didn't run far before Judy was the first to catch up with him. "Tom...please," she called, before she enclosed him into a hug.

He stopped then let her hold him.

He felt numb...He couldn't move and he couldn't speak.

He was terrified that he may have made a big mistake. He ruined his chance to move on and get a fresh start. Even though he did it for Laura, he still couldn't help but reget it.

"Tom...I had no idea." Doug said with wide eyes.

Tom pulled away from Judy's hug. "Now can you see why I didn't want to talk?" he cried to them.

"You have nothing to be ashamed of Hanson," said Fuller. "We are going to support you every step of the way. We will find those guys and we will get justice." He looked angry behind his dark eyes. "And you will not let these guys win!"

The rest of the afternoon was strange because he had never felt so vulnerable to the world. He felt as though he had cut himself and bled his secrets because he felt hurt and shame at the same time. Everyone tried to comfort him the best they could until eventually, it got too late and they all had to go home.

Fuller told him it wasn't the best idea for him to go home alone because of his emotional state and told him to stay at Doug's again.

He didn't argue because he knew he was right.

Because he felt the urge to get in his mustang and swerve off a bridge.

Then it would be over.

No more pain.

 **xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

He had to go to the police station once again the following day and it terrified him. There was no holding back this time.

He didn't do much that evening except lay on the couch. The TV was on, but he couldn't concentrate on the images. Doug had been quiet for a long time but kept his eyes locked on him and watched his every move. Maybe because he feared he could do something stupid.

"I could kill those guys for what they did to you," Doug finally said with his voice full of anger.

When he thought about it, he never really thought of killing them. He didn't know why. Maybe because it come to the point where they broke him down so much, he couldn't find enough strength to feel angry. Maybe he had been angry so much whilst they subjected him with pain and humiliation, it just got old.

"They could kill me first," he said. "For telling." He looked at Doug with fear in his eyes as he said this.

Doug shook his head. "They won't," he promised. "I'm not going to let them."

He wasn't convinced however and ended up having nightmares that dragged on all night about James coming after him. The last one was at five in the morning and by then, he gave up sleeping because he couldn't stand having the nightmares play like a broken record.

It was dark, but he could still make out that Doug was sitting in the room. He must have kept watch all night before he dropped off to sleep. It made him smile. Doug _was_ a good friend.

He felt a little thirsty so he quietly crept into the kitchen to fill a glass of water. It was so quiet, he could hear the clock ticking from the wall.

"You okay, man?"

It was only Doug but he nearly jumped out of his skin and dropped the glass of water. "Whoa, you scared me!"

"Sorry." Doug smiled "Are you ok?"

"I'm not tired anymore," he replied. "And to be honest, I'm terrirfied about tomorrow."

Doug glanced at the clock. "I won't be long now...If you want, I can wait up with you."

"No, go back to sleep," he said. "You've done enough already."

"Well, if you're sure..."

He laughed. "Just go."

Waiting for the sunrise was rather boring but he got through it. Although he grew more and more nervous as the clocked ticked closer to the world's waking hour.

By time Doug was up and awake, he felt like a wreck.

By time he was driven to the police station, he was destroyed.

There was a different officer in the interview room whom he didn't recognise. He was an older man with a faint scar on his upper lip.

"I'm ready to share the details of what happened," he told him. He was shaking so badly, he had to grip the edge of the table to calm himself down.

The officer nodded. Then he told him the whole story. While he told it, he felt himself drift out of his body and heard his voice lingering on.

The tape recorder actively listened while the officer scribbled down his words without a pause.

He couldn't stop the words from tumbling out of his mouth, as though someone else took over his body. He told the officer everything from the beginning and through to the end. He didn't miss a single detail and described the warehouse and the surroundings. He also revealed the men's names and their descriptions; including Damiem's tattoo's of a brown eagle and barbed wire.

When he spoke about the pain and torture he was subjected to, it sounded far, far worse than it should have sounded because everything he experienced in those two to three months, was squeezed into one hour.

By time he finished, he was in tears.

Fortunately, the officer dealt with it professionally and told him they would do everything in their power to put those men away.

 **xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Since then, he saw many faces; officers, detectives, medical profressionals and lawyers. Most of their faces didn't mean anything to him nor could he remember them either. But then there were faces that spoke words that he didn't want to hear. Those words were fears... fears he tried to file away in his head and forget.

 _"You have to take a blood test for any diseases transmitted from the sexual assaults such as HIV..."_

At first, he thought he was beginning to see a glimmer of hope until his world fall apart all over again.

He somehow knew that James and his men would have their last laugh... leave their last scar.

He was terrified of HIV and AIDS because he'd seen it. Less than a year ago, he had one of those cases which were hard to forget.

Harley Poolish... He could never forget those brown, child-like eyes which often glimmered with pain; those words of anguish behind his tough facade. Harley had AIDS and his assignment back then was to look out for him because he kept getting beat up by kids at school. Not only that, parents circled outside of the school gates holding signs and chanting, " _no AIDS in schools"_ every morning without fail. He believed people used anger towards Harley instead of fear. But he was no better, because he didn't plan on becoming emotionally involved with Harley and even refused to share his milk once because he feared catching the disease. But as time went on, he grew closer to Harley. One night, they went to a bar to wind down and after a few beers, Harley said, " _you know how many friends I've made since I've been diagnosed with AIDS? One...which is you."_

The last time he saw him, Harley cried and admitted he wanted to die and asked him to do him a favor which was to hold him. Besides Harley's mom, the hug he wrapped him in, was the first human contact he had with another since he was diagnosed with AIDS.

Harley died the next evening from pneoumia. It shocked him because the disease cruelly took his life with just a snap of its fingers.

Of course, he had no way of knowing if he contracted the disease until the results come back after seven days. He didn't think he could cope, because seven days felt like seven years. He didn't tell anyone about the test because he knew how they would react. And telling them...would make it real. He didn't want it to be real. He wished everything starting from the beginining, back to the argument with Doug at that chapel that morning, was only a nightmare that he was going to wake up from.

Keeping his head busy at work was the only way he could cope whilst he anxiously waited for two responses; for the police to find the men and for the HIV results to come back. Everyone at work fussed over him which he found annoying. They all tried to talk to him but he barely listened. Worry etched their faces but he couldn't care less.


	13. Chapter 13

_"I have some good news, Hanson."_

Three days after he had his blood test, he was called in Fuller's office for 'some good news'. He knew full well it wasn't about his test because it wasn't due yet - and neither would his captain even know about it.

Fuller seemed to be thrilled about the news and didn't even ask him to sit down.

"We found James Harding, Damien and Stephen."

He felt his jaw drop in shock. He couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe how it was possible for them to find the men so fast - and how they even found them in the first place.

"How?"

"They matched your description of the warehouse and found the men staying there," his captain replied. "Also, they were able to gather enough evidence from the warehouse to present to the court."

He felt himself drift off in a daze and had to lean his back against the wall for support. "It's really happening... putting them back to jail I mean."

"Where they belong, Hanson."

He wished he could feel happy with the news but he still couldn't shake off the fact he would still have to wait for the results of his test. He was also afraid the men would come back and kill him.

"Did you read my report?" he questioned Fuller.

"No, I promised myself I would only see if I have your permission."

He saw that Fuller looked somewhat eager so he decided to give it to him. "You can have it," he said. "What I didn't tell you, is that they made me change my feelings towards prison by subjecting me to things inmates usually experience when they are in there."

Fuller sighed in despair and closed his eyes for a mere second. "Now I know why you were feeling bad about sending those kids to jail," he said sadly. "Do you still feel the same?"

"For one thing, I do believe kids become more messed up coming out than going in. But then again, I don't want to live in fear knowing James and his men would be walking the streets."

"I believe they would serve a prison setence of around twenty years, so it's worth fighting for, Hanson."

 _As long as fighting for justice in court isn't going to be the only thing I'm going to fight_ , he thought sadly.

 **xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

He couldn't take it anymore. Seven days had passed and he still hadn't heard anything back from the results. They didn't exactly say they would contact him if was found negative but it didn't make him feel any better. He couldn't rest until he heard them say it. He was sat on the couch in Doug's living room early that morning. While Doug was taking the shower, he tried to muster enough courage to call the clinic. When he dialled the number, he was so anxious, the joints in his fingers turned white from gripping the phone reciever so tightly.

 _"Bridgestone clinic, how can we help you?"_

He heard a young woman's voice sounded calm and friendly but not enough to lessen the trembles emerging from his body. "Hi, I'm Tom, Thomas Hanson and I'm wondering if you got the results of my blood test yet which was done seven days ago?" he asked shakily.

 _"I'll go check for you. What was your name again?"_

After telling her his name, she left to check the records, leaving him amidst in deathly silence. He couldn't handle the silence. His heart hammered against his chest and he found himself struggling to regulate his breathing because he had no idea if his life was going to be destroyed in the matter of minutes.

 _"Hey pig cop, I bet you enjoyed that didn't you?" James teased._

 _He felt sickened and ashamed. He was raped the second time by James and his men. After they raped him, they left him lying on the floor naked as the cold water splattered all over his body. He didn't mind the fact it was cold because it managed to numb the physical pain a little._

 _James knelt down and cocked his head to the side so that their eyes met. His eyes glittered maliciously. "Did you know that one of us has AIDS?"_

 _He cried in panicked gasps. He was terrified. He didn't think how worse it could get._

 _"You just have to guess." James smirked at the horror surrounding his face. "Come on, guess... Guess which one of us infected you with AIDS?" He then threw back his head and laughed._

He could still hear that laugh echoing through his ears. The laugh which knew he managed to destory him completely.

Suddenly James ghostly laugh was cut short.

 _"You are all clear Mr. Hanson. You are not HIV positive."_

Tears of happiness instantly leaked from his eyes and he could hear himself laughing. He asked her to say it again to make sure he wasn't dreaming.

 _I'm not HIV positive._

 _I don't have AIDS._

 _I'm not going to die._

Knowing he was clear made him feel stronger because he knew they didn't have their last laugh after all. And now he wanted nothing more but to throw them back to jail where they belonged.

When Doug walked into the room fully dressed with his hair dripping wet, he stood up from the couch revealing the tears of happiness streaked upon his face.

Doug looked at him worriedly. "Are you okay?"

He didn't care how shameful his secret was because he felt too happy. "I was crying from happiness you doofus," he laughed.

Doug looked at him questionly so he explained. "I had a HIV test seven days ago and I found out just now that I've come back clear."

"H...HIV test?" Doug gasped with wide-eyes. "It didn't cross my mind you had to have one.."

"Yeah, I mean...you can catch things from being -" He paused because he couldn't say it.

Doug surfaced a pitying look. "Is that why you've been really quiet thse past few days and refused to talk to us?"

He nodded. "Yeah, it was because I was scared."

"I don't blame you," Doug told him softly. "I would be scared as well - pertified in fact."

"I know, but I'm clear," he smiled. "And I would really like if we went out for pizza or something to celebrate."

Doug laughed in relief. "Great idea."

He almost had all the pieces he identified with the man he knew very well once - and it felt good. They went out and had a pizza like old times and he was able to laugh again - for real.

 **xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

"This is it, Hanson," Fuller said proudly.

He was now dressed for court in a black suit and red tie. He felt so nervous, he felt like throwing up. It was like stage fright, but worse. He imagined everyone would be looking at him and judging him while he would have to tell them all the torture and personal hell he went through.

All his loved ones were there while he waited for his turn to sit in court. Even his mom was there. She took him aside and told him through tears that she knew her husband, his father, was watching over him and was proud of him. He was stunned because his mother hadn't mentioned his dad for years because she struggled with her own grief. He had always thought that his father was always watching over him and hoped he was proud. Hearing his mother say those words, made him feel closer to her and he imagined it wouldn't be all that bad if they saw each other more often.

There was also one other person who was special to him that appeared amongst his loved ones.

Laura.

He couldn't believe his eyes. She was stood there in a navy coloured dress, with her hair neatly tied back. She lookied happier, brighter and somehow free like a bird. And no wonder she did, because he heard she managed to have Mr. Woodstock charged and arrested for rape and he was now behind bars. He wanted to congratulate her since he heard the news but he couldn't find the time.

She flew into him and put her arms around his neck for a hug. "I'm so proud of you!" she cried happily

"I'm proud of you too." He hugged back. "Are you doing ok?"

She withdrew from the hug and showed him a smile. "Yes," she replied. "I moved school but I don't mind because I made lots of friends already. It's better than having the whole school knowing, so I'm glad I left."

"I'm glad to hear you're doing okay," he smiled. "How did you find me though?"

"I still had Judy's number so I phoned her and she told me where you were."

He turned around and smiled at Judy. "Thanks Jude"

"No problem," she beamed.

"I came here to thank you," Laura told him. "I wouldn't have gotten this far if it wasn't for you..."

"Tom Hanson to the stand please!" a voice erupted through the doors.

He hated being called so soon because he wanted more time with Laura. But he had no choice, so he gave her an quick hug before leaving to take the stand.

It all went by in a blur. He told them his harrowing story and all the details that he felt ashamed and embarrassed about. While he talked, he noticed some people's faces looked shocked including Doug, Judy, Harry and Fuller who was sitting amongst the crowd. Laura wasn't there which was fortunate because he didn't think she handle hearing all the gruelling details. People he knew certainly couldn't take it either. They had no choice but to listen to every single detail of his nightmares.

 **xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

After he shared his account and answered questions the best he could, it was over. Done. All he had to do, was be there at the end for the verdict. But first, James and his men had to be questioned.

Fortunately, he was allowed to leave the court room to avoid facing them. He knew they would have given him the 'I'll kill you' look which wouldn't have been easy to take. He didn't want to grant them the opportunity to either.

While they were being questioned, he hid away in a private room. It was quiet and all he did, was sit at the round table holding a cup of water taken from the water dispenser. After a few minutes, Doug passed by and slipped into the room. He looked pale and he was surprised to find there were tears in his eyes.

"I'm so sorry..." Doug said softly.

"Don't be."

"But I was there, Tom!" he started to sob. "I was there when they took you! If only I hadn't stormed off, ranting and saying shit to you, this whole thing wouldn't have happened!"

He swiftly got up on his feet and gave his friend a hug. "It's not your fault!" he reassured him. "I deserved whatever shit you said about me then because I was being an asshole." He let go from the hold and gave him a smile. But he didn't mirror a smile back.

"But you didn't deserve to be beaten, raped and tortured by those men for three months!" Doug cried.

"Well you didn't do it, did you?" he pointed out. "So it wasn't your fault."

"But I was there!"

"Doug, we can't change the past," he said as gently as he could. "I was going to say it was my fault at first for being a prick in the first place back there but in the end, it was no one's fault," he said. "It wasn't even my fault for busting James in the first place. He just happened to be some guy who wanted revenge and no one could prevent him from doing so."

Doug calmed down then wiped his tears. "Yeah, that makes sense..." he sniffed.

"Well, I'm sorry you had to hear all those details whilst I was on the stand," he apologised. "I imagine it wasn't easy for you, or anyone to listen to."

Doug shook his head in agreement. "You're really brave, Tom."

He didn't argue. In fact, he agreed. He managed to stand up to all those people and shed his secrets that consumed him for too long.

And he felt better. Stronger.

 **xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

He won.

James and his men were sent to jail for kidnapping, assault, and four counts of rape and had gone behind bars for over twenty years.

Like Laura, he felt as free as a bird. He couldn't feel any shackles or restraints holding him down any more and he felt even more ready to move on and look forward to the future.

It felt good to get rid of those secrets and was surprised to find that his nightmares began to diminish over time. Who knew some smart ass named Dr. Adams with those ridiculous facial expressions would be right?

After a long day of work at Jump Street, he caught up with Doug when it was time go home.

His friend was just about to get into his yellow truck when he called him.

"Hey Doug!"

Doug turned around in surprise. "Yeah?"

"Do you still want to go on that vacation?"

Doug's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "What vacation?"

"The one we both planned, remember?" he said then grinned. "London."

Doug didn't say a word.

All he did, was go up to him and enclosed him in a tight hug.

He knew then, things were going to be okay.

 **THE END**

 **sorry it ended so fast! I'm just no good at writing court stuff.**

 **However, I hope you enjoyed it and you'll be getting more stories from me because I love writing Jump Street fanfiction. The next one I'll write will have lots of humor and not as depressing ;)**


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